The addict part of my mind likes to get me spinning around and frantically worrying about my problems. It likes to convince me that the only behavior that’s right is to be firmly in the driver’s seat of my life. “You must be in charge of you,” it shouts, as I bulldoze my way through the day, leaving a trail of scarred situations behind me.

I’m learning to engage the healthy part of my mind much earlier, sometimes even before the bulldozer starts up.

It’s a simple truth of my recovery—when I’m fervently thinking that I should be in control of me, exactly the opposite is true. When I think I don’t need to go to an SA meeting, I’d better get to one. When I’m thinking I don’t need to do service work, I need to find a job to help my fellows. When I simply turn off the bulldozer, get out of the driver’s seat, and walk in the opposite direction, I find joy.

I like to say the following to my Higher Power:

You know me
as I truly am.
By Your grace
and with Your help,
I choose to walk
toward You,
not run away.