In meetings, I have often heard sexaholism referred to as “it.” It is cunning and baffling. But my experience has revealed that there is no it in my life, there is only me. By making my sexual compulsiveness an it, I’m trying to minimize my problem in order to make it seem more manageable (by me). It is not cunning and baffling; I am. My sexual addiction is only one symptom in my life that shows me how unmanageable my life is when I attempt to control it.

Another way I minimize my problem is by using the phrase, “part of me,” as in “Part of me wants to continue to lust and part of me doesn’t.” Once again, I have divided myself into convenient parts, hoping to gain control over the lustful part of me. But by minimizing the problem, I also minimize my need for God and others in my life. Today, I have come to accept that what I am truly powerless over is me. By accepting my powerlessness over myself, my relationship with God has become an integral part of my every day, as has my connection to people inside and outside of our program.

Acceptance is the key to a happy and joyous freedom. I no longer have to run away from myself, as I tried to do my whole life. Through working the 12 Steps, I can recognize each character defect that separates me from God and others. I can, in that moment, acknowledge my powerlessness over myself and be driven into God’s arms. As my relationship with God grows, the fear that has driven my life falls away and I find the safety I have been looking for, in the arms of a Power much greater than myself. Here lies the peace and serenity that the program promises. I found none of this in my quest merely for sobriety, when I wanted to be sober so I could get what I wanted (e.g., my wife to stay with me). It was focused on my will.

But because I now know there is a Higher Power whose will far surpasses my own, I no longer worry about the outcomes in my life. I now know that whatever consequences happen as the result of living an honest life can be nothing but God’s will. From His will comes the greatest joys and the greatest sorrows. For that I am truly grateful, for it has been my greatest sorrows that have propelled me into a new way of living.