Recently I met with a newcomer who was inquiring about SA. He had identified five different fellowships dealing with sexual addiction. He wasn’t quite sure where he belonged. He wanted a fellowship that would support his involvement in a same-sex relationship.

I shared that I deal with same-sex lust and had been involved in same-sex relationships prior to coming to SA. Those relationships had stopped working for me, but I was unable to change my behavior. I shared that I need a fellowship like SA that rules out same-sex behavior, and that there are other members like me in SA.

Seeing that he was not interested in SA’s approach to same-sex lust, I explained which of the other fellowships would meet his needs. He found the maze of program acronyms confusing, so I even wrote down the name of the other S-fellowship for him. It seemed important not to argue the point or try to sell him on SA.

I recalled some things I had read in Alcoholics Anonymous (95) about working with others: “do not wear out your welcome,” “do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform,” “never talk down,” and “offer him friendship and fellowship.”

In my early recovery, I heard something that has stuck with me: “Before people care what you know, they need to know that you care.” I hope I left this man with accurate information about SA, but more important, with the feeling that he had been treated with care and respect.