In September 2007, I attended my first regional conference in Irvine, CA. This was my first conference and the first time I had driven alone early on a Saturday morning (for 1 ½ hours) for my recovery. I was 29 years old and two years sober.

At the conference, I attended a very large SA meeting. Only a few chairs were empty. We tried to sit in a circle but one end was misshapen because the large group did not fit easily into a circle.

In the meeting I shared something I had learned from previous meetings that day: that if I act in love toward my sister even if I don’t feel loving toward her, it could heal our relationship. My youngest sister and I were not speaking to each other because of a stupid fight we had about laundry. The tension I felt while living in my parents’ house with my sister was wearing me down. I shared about my gratitude at having a solution to this problem.

I noticed a man with white hair sitting at the far end of the room. As I sat in the meeting listening to members share, I remember thinking that the white-haired man must be the oldest in the room. When he shared, he seemed really passionate about the addicts still suffering around the world. I thought that he must have been an SA member for a long time to think and share the way he did.

After the meeting, as I was talking with my sponsor, I saw the white-haired man walking straight toward me. I wondered what he wanted to say. But he simply shook my hand, thanked me for my share, and left.

I turned to my sponsor and said, “That was nice.” She said, “Cool! Roy K. liked your share!”

“Who is Roy K.?”

“He started SA!”

“Oh.” I was embarrassed that I had been in the program since 2003 and didn’t know who started SA. Then I was grateful that I didn’t know all that beforehand, because I got to see him as a person, just like everyone else. He seemed very kind.

I was sad to hear of Roy’s death, but sharing his memory helps me to mourn him.