Recently, a friend shared with me the terror, frustration, bewilderment, and despair he was feeling as a consequence of our disease. I told him that these emotions are the natural consequence of the old way of living; that they are what we reap when we sow the seeds of lust. I told him that this is no different than planting apple seeds and eventually getting apples; if we plant the seeds of lust, we get weeds and brambles. As we pass from the old life into the new, we begin planting new seeds. Still, the old fruits will keep coming for a while. What a bitter harvest this can be!

In my case, I wanted my new life to be a “Jack and the Beanstalk” story. According to the story, I’d toss some seeds out the window, go to sleep, and wake up the next morning with a vine going up into the sky. But the seeds of the new life shouldn’t be simply tossed out the window. I need to plant them in the best available soil. They will take time to germinate, and once they do, the seedlings will be tender, fragile, and in need of much care.

Divine help is needed to save a spiritual garden overrun by weeds. My own actions are what activate the Divine help. If I water the weeds, then the weeds will grow. If I do all that I can to protect and nurture the seedlings of the new life—especially being honest and asking for help when what I’m doing isn’t working—I’ll find that God will help me do what I cannot do for myself. If I am steadfast, then sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, the garden reaches a critical point where the good fruit starts to run the bad right out of the harvest. This is how “we are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness” (AA 83).

What needs to happen inside and outside of me so that I can pass from the old life into the new? “Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant the destruction of self-centeredness” (AA 14). But what is this cost in terms of the currency of my life today? And can I afford to wait for a better exchange rate?

What does surrender look like? Considered from the perspective of my old way of thinking, the question itself terrifies. I don’t have the answer. However, I have found that life always answers this question for me. Somehow, sooner or later life’s response does come.

If I am seeking the Truth, I will be blessed by reaching it and entering into it. If I run from it, it will in the end consume me. Whether I find joy or despair in it is really up to me. When I am distracted by past and future events (real, distorted, or imagined), I feed my sense of isolation and terror. But if I truly seek entry into the new life today, I will find everything I need to live successfully in the moment.

I told my friend to cling to the gift of the moment as if his life depended on it—because it does.

“I could never figure out why knowing the truth about God never set me free. Or the truth about psychology or the Twelve Step program. But when I finally came to the place where I saw the truth about me—and despaired. . . . Well, that was the beginning” (SA 106).