When I met with my sponsor to discuss my work on Step Eight, I was surprised that he crossed out several names on my list. He approved of my making direct amends to my wife (who knew about my acting out), but he said it might be hurtful for me to make direct amends to some of the other people on my list. He pointed me to a White Book passage that gives suggestions for making indirect amends (126). He also said that he had read another member’s indirect amends published in ESSAY, and he suggested that, as an indirect amends, I write a letter to all those I had harmed and send it not to them, but to ESSAY.

So, at the suggestion of my sponsor, I hereby make a living amends to the following people by never doing these things again; by living a good, sober life; by showing respect to others in my thoughts, behavior, and attitudes, guided by a loving God; and by following other suggestions such as praying for them whenever they come to mind.

• To my daughter, whom I neglected as a baby by immersing myself in porn while she lay crying in the next room.
• To both of my children, for acting out whilst I was with them during their early months and years, so that I was not there with my whole self for them. I often had a headful of lust, “cruising” for images and lust-hits whilst I was supposed to be looking after them, not caring properly for their safety but only for my own lust.
• To my parents, for acting out in their home, including communal areas; for using money they gave me to buy pornography; for using their phone for sex lines.
• To my brother, for invading his privacy and stealing from him.
• To an unknown girl whom I used voyeuristically when I was a young teenager.
• To my first girlfriend for my painful emotional ambivalence, my taking her for granted, and my inability to commit to her lovingly.
• To my second girlfriend, for exactly the same behavior toward her. May God bless them both and give them loving and committed partners.
• To the friends I acted out with whilst they were in relationships with other friends.
• To the colleague I acted out with whilst she was in a relationship.
• To the friend I started a lust and romance relationship with, while never intending to make a commitment to her.
• To my ex-landlady, for acting out in her home, bringing pornography into her home, acting out in communal areas, using her phone for sex lines.
• To my cousin, for acting out in her home, watching pornography whilst she was in the next room with her children.
• To my uncle and aunt for acting out in their home, including using their telephone for sex lines.
• To business owners and the public, for many hours looking at pornography in Internet cafes.
• To my ex-colleagues, for acting out in the bathrooms.
• To the young people in my care for whenever I have looked at them with lust and as fuel for sexual fantasy.
• To my colleagues for whenever I have looked at them with lust.
• To my close and extended family, for the day I drove them around all day after using the night before. I was not safe to drive and risked the lives of my daughter, my unborn child, my wife, my brother, my sister-in-law, and my mother-in-law.
• To my entire family, for recklessly risking my life, driving unsafely whilst cruising for pornography.
• To my family, especially my wife and children, for risking my reputation and livelihood, and hence their own welfare, through my acting out.

To all of you, I admit that I was wrong, and I am truly sorry. I ask my Higher Power to bless all the people I have harmed, to show me other ways I can make amends to you, and to be willing to do whatever it takes.

With thanks to my sponsor and the whole fellowship of SA,