When I came into the rooms of SA, I was relieved to learn that God was so important to the Program. I was always a deep believer in God; in fact, I would say that He got me here. He gave me the kick in the pants that I needed to get me to these rooms.

I always knew that something was wrong with me. I was advised twice by a trusted friend to get professional help. But I was too ashamed and too scared to do so. After all, how could I, a professional counselor, admit that in helping young men I crossed the line, abused their trust, and initiated inappropriate sexual behavior? How could I have a sex problem? I was the sex advice expert.

When I came into these rooms, I needed to confess to another human being that I had used young men to gratify my lust. I did believe that God could somehow restore me to sanity, but I struggled to believe that God would restore me. And I still struggled with believing that I had done anything wrong. Lots of people do weird sexual things, I reasoned—and after all, I had “never hurt anybody.” I was in major denial.

I had to come to believe that I needed to be restored to sanity. Yet “sanity” was another difficult word for me, as there is serious mental illness in my family. My father and my brother had a lifetime of schizophrenia. I took care of them. In a family with a lot of insanity, I’m the sane one!

What I learned from SA—and from Step Two in particular—is humility. And as I listened to the many sober people in these rooms, I eventually had to admit that I did need some restoring. I had to believe that something was wrong with me. That my lust (in the midst of a very successful life) had me licked.

God had tried to get me to deal with my behavior—for years—but I always resisted. I made excuses, like: “Men don’t talk about masturbation and lust and ongoing struggles with pornography.” But I’ve learned from the SA fellowship and from the study of Step Two that it is quite important to talk about these things, and that God is not finished with me yet.

Through SA, I learned that the keys to recovery are humility and honesty and willingness to grow in my faith. I needed let go and let God have it all—and then Step Two can be real. No more fighting, just a lot of accepting. God does a much better job of managing my life than I did. And this new level of partnership with God—and surrender—is a much more effective way to deal with lust, and in fact with all the other problems in my life.

[George passed away on August 28, 2011, with over two years of sexual sobriety.]