I came into SA in May of 2010 and have been gratefully sober since August of that year. At each stage of sobriety and recovery, I feel my vision is changing. Over the past couple of years in SA, I’ve noticed many paradoxes (also called apparent contradictions) that serve as the foundation for my continued growth in recovery. I believe that the potential list of paradoxes is endless, but following are some I’ve come up with so far.

• In order to complete my Second Step, I needed to trust God to keep me sober. But I could only learn to trust Him by staying sober and observing how He takes care of me in my deepest pain.

• Change in recovery is most often slow and gradual, but my sobriety date four years ago also reminds me that there was a distinct moment after which I stopped acting out (one day at a time).

• Some parts of me change in recovery through hard work and intense pain, while others only yield to effortlessness.

• I want to spend the least time possible on my spiritual routine each morning, even though I know that routine is what sustains me most.

• I must trust that God is big enough to give me everything I want, but I must accept that He loves me too much to always do what I want.

• Others’ opinions of me (which are none of my business) have generally tended to improve since I gave up my right to manipulate their opinions in my favor.

• My imperfection is the gift that allows me to depend on God, yet in the moment I rarely see imperfection as a gift.

• I seek progress in surrendering all of my resentments, but at times I depend on potential resentments to see where I may need to improve my self-care.

• In my active addiction I would say, “I’ll get sober tomorrow.” In my active recovery, I say that I can always act out but not until tomorrow—and that keeps me sober today.

• The decision to not regret the past (AA 83) requires that I acknowledge that in my active addiction, I did things that hurt myself and others in defiance of God. But it is only through these injuries that God has been able to use me in healthy ways today.