Dear Essay,

The theme for this issue is Sobriety in the Holidays. I’d like to share a holiday memory.

As I remember, it was during the daily morning phone call to my sponsor on January 1. We talked about celebrating New Year’s Eve and what our plans were for the New Year holiday. My sponsor said, “D      , we do not have any vacations in this program.” While it was just a simple statement of fact, I recall being very moved by his observation. I still am all these years later. 

One difficult aspect of 12-Step recovery is accepting that I merely have a disease. My sexaholism is not a failure of moral values or lack of will power. I simply have a disease or a mental illness based in selfishness and self-centeredness.

I often compare my disease to diabetes — once a person has diabetes, he or she just has it. And, regardless of what’s happening on any given day, if the diabetes is not accepted and managed appropriately, the disease will prevail. Equally importantly, if one checks one’s blood sugar and administers insulin in the prescribed amount, the day will proceed just fine. 

For my sexaholism, the equivalent of checking is phone calls, reading, and a personal inventory. And the equivalent of insulin is my daily contract for sobriety, getting to a meeting and working the Steps. When I am willing to admit my sexaholism and to do whatever is needed to stay healthy, I always have a good day.

So, as holidays or vacations approach throughout the year, I drop any expectation that I can take a break from recovery. I concede that my illness is truly “chronic, progressive and fatal” unless I take action every day. As it turns out, for the past twenty-eight years, accepting there are no holidays or vacations is the easier, softer way.

Dear Essay,

I was taught by an old-timer years ago to read two pages each of my Sacred Scripture, AA and SA literature each morning. I was given a beautiful gift this morning in the September 2016 issue of Essay.

On page 32 you published the SA Statement of Principle including the Addendum to the Statement of Principle passed by the General Delegate Assembly on July 8, 2016. These words create a safe haven for me, within my own heart and mind. I am very grateful to the General Delegate Assembly for having the courage to set forth and stick by principles which I need to stay sexually sober. We can only speak for ourselves.

I was hurting and fearful because my wife and I had just attended a meeting of members of my faith community several evenings before regarding sexuality. Suddenly at that meeting a well-meaning participant started questioning the foundational beliefs of my faith community that match the SA sobriety definition. Suddenly what had been a safe meeting was no longer safe for me.

I am a crazy, weak SA and I need safe places to discuss the parts of me that are out of kilter at the core of myself, without being encouraged to act out in some way. Sometimes, it seems that SA is the only place on earth where that is possible. Thank you SA and Essay for continuing to faithfully carry the message to people like me.