For the last five years, by the grace of God, I have not lusted when fully awake. When a triggering sexual image pops up, my eyes seem to automatically look away. I do not take that deadly first drink. Instead, I say a prayer. “I surrender my right to be comfortable! Please bless me so I can be helpful to other sexaholics.” Then I make a phone call. For someone who was basically drunk on lust 24/7 for thirteen years, and frequently masturbated in public places, this transformation is a literal miracle.

My sleep life, however, has not been quite so simple. I occasionally have sexual dreams, which I have been able to surrender just fine. A recurring problem which I refer to as “sleep masturbation” seems a different issue altogether. Other than the bare physical facts of the event, which usually ends in climax, there often seems to be no lust involved. It can happen after the most surrendered, lust-free, recovery-devoted day, during dream images of going to a meeting, doing service, or going to church. More often, though, it either happens when dreaming of something completely mundane, like doing my taxes, or to no dream at all.

There is always some memory of the event the next day, though some instances are foggier than others. This leads to some real confusion about what state I was in when the episode occurred. “If you were awake enough to know what you were doing, then it was a slip,” many have advised me. But for me — and I’ve spoken to many in SA who relate — the opposing states of awareness and obliviousness, asleep and awake, are not that black and white.

Everyone I have spoken to about sleep masturbation reports that it occurs between 45 and 90 minutes after falling asleep. I almost never remember how the touching began. I become aware that I am touching myself, and sometimes a little aware that I shouldn’t be doing it.

As I said before, this problem does not seem to have any connection with my level of recovery, willingness, surrender, or spirituality. It has never triggered craving or pushed me closer to relapse during the day. I tried resetting my sobriety and starting over on the Steps after every occurrence. I tried going to a meeting every day (for five months). I tried different sponsors, recommitting to my religious observances, more or different kinds of prayer, meditation, inventorying, and phone calls. I set an alarm for an hour after I go to sleep to wake up and say a prayer (I did this for over a year). I did a complete media fast for two months. I tried relaxing and not worrying about it — to take away its energy. While many of these actions have had a noticeable impact on progressive victory over lust, they have had zero effect on my sleep masturbation.

With the theory that this issue may be more medical than spiritual, I tried numerous strategies: medications, sleep studies, weighted blankets, belts, duct tape, a roommate, diet changes, and much more to no effect.

In my research I have found that sleep masturbation is experienced by non-addicts as well. It is considered a sleep disorder (or parasomnia) sometimes referred to as sexsomnia. There is no known cure or effective treatment.

My question for the fellowship is: Has anyone out there overcome this issue? If so, contact me at scott.onedayatatime@gmail.com.

I would like to get freedom from sleep masturbation.

In fellowship,