Recently I received new lenses for my glasses. The current ones were scratched and insurance would replace them. After the optometrist installed the lenses, I walked back to my car in the parking garage. I found myself astounded by the new clarity of my vision! I thought I should give a quick call back to the optometrist to learn what had changed my eyesight so dramatically?

Then I realized what was happening. Over the year as I incurred scratches, I had steadily accommodated to their presence. I knew I sensed a blur as I wore my glasses, even though I cleaned the lenses often. Now with the new, undamaged lenses I was seeing clearly again. It startled me! As I reflected on this, I also realized that is what can happen in my SA recovery.

Over a period of time I may allow “scratches” to develop in my sobriety and recovery: doing less program reading, missing a meeting, or showing up late and leaving early, lingering on looks at body parts, rationalizing a fantasy about sex with my wife, calling my sponsor less often, letting “I can handle it” cover over a resentment or a lust hit. And so on.

These behaviors seem innocent enough and at the moment do not threaten my sobriety. However, each one can be a cumulative “scratch” on my recovery. I get used to what is actually impaired spiritual vision. I can miss clues that something may be dangerous for me. Those feelings of “restless, irritable and discontent” could reappear. I might even give up on seeking clear recovery sight and staying emotionally comfortable.

It’s been a few weeks since I got the new lenses. I am making an effort to gently clean them and to be conscious of not putting in a mess of scratches. I still love my newly clear eyesight. And, I’m very interested in reviewing any recovery scratches that might send me into blind alleys or hazardous situations. As my sponsor said to me years ago, no matter how long I am sober and no matter how perfectly I work my program, I will still be a sexaholic. That’s okay by me, in fact. I need to remember that every day.