When I first came to SA I was three years divorced from a twelve-year marriage and had two kids. I always say that I was a sexaholic before I married my ex-wife, a sexaholic while married, and still a sexaholic after divorce. I knew that something was wrong with my behavior—I just couldn’t stop, even though I did not want to continue. During my divorce period I dated a lot of women, looking for the right fix, the right woman. Of course, I did not find that woman….

When I met my current wife, everything was great. We had a wonderful time, and even the sex was great. After three months I again found myself watching porn and all the rest. This time I did something about this insane behavior. I wrote a long text message on my cell phone to my then girlfriend, telling her that I had a problem with uncontrolled sex addiction. I remember my finger hovering over the send button. Finally, by the grace of God, I pressed that button. My girlfriend accepted me if I would treat my addiction. I joined SA and have not acted out since then.

After three clean months in the program, I had a problem. Life was boring! Life without the excitement of lust?! My sick mind told me to go back to the warm hands of lust. Then I began to listen to messages of old timers (especially AA oldtimers). They all have a common way of living the program: letting God into their life and living by God’s will. That simple!

However, I come from an atheist home. God was a forbidden word in my family. I could not believe there is an entity called ‘God.’ I especially could not live by the will of a Higher Power. This was crucial. I knew that if I would not accept the idea of living by the will of a Higher Power, I could not keep my recovery and sobriety.

I made my decision to do all the actions suggested in the program, and to trust that faith in a Higher Power would come one day at a time. I can tell you now, nineteen months later, that this was THE major decision that I made in recovery! When things happen not according to my will—in family life or in business—I accept them as things that are according to the will of God. I am sometimes angry at first. Then I take the actions (mostly sharing and praying), and I feel much better. I accept that nothing happens by mistake in the world of God!

This is a growing victory, one day at a time. I can tell that I am a much happier and a feel like a whole person. This is not only a program of recovery, this is a way of living a calm, happy life in this world. All because I believe in a Higher Power and trying (working hard) to live by His will. AMEN.