I Need to Maintain a Fit Spiritual Condition

At times I fail to recall the effort it takes for me to surrender my sexual lust on a daily basis. I pretend to think that because I have such a wonderful spiritual condition—attending Sexaholics Anonymous meetings, meeting with other SA members, etc.—that I don’t need other practical solutions. But that whole line of thinking originates in my ego. My ego still wants to be in control. I still suffer from the delusion that I am like other people, that I can lust like a gentleman. I forget the very practical efforts I made (and still make) to surrender my sexual lust. I forget the statement found in our SA “White Book” that there is no such thing as surrender in the abstract. Surrender is always accompanied by action.

When I first came to SA, I made several practical surrenders in order to withdraw and recover from lust. I changed my cell phone number and carried a flip phone with no Internet access for over four years. I did not carry cash at all for at least a year. I called a sponsor daily. I bookended, going online with phone calls to other members. I abstained from sex with my spouse for a time in order to recover from lust. I got tested for STDs. I had my sponsor go online and delete all the secret email accounts I had created. With help from Sexaholics Anonymous members, I cleaned out my stash of lust-related paraphernalia.

I Surrender My Sex Addiction to My Loving Higher Power on a Daily Basis

But none of that would have worked had it not been accompanied by a spiritual awakening, as the result of working the Twelve Steps of Sexaholics Anonymous. Above all else, I must remember every day that my recovery solution is based on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.

My new attitude towards life is not based on any thought or effort on my part. My new attitude is a gift from a loving and caring Higher Power that loved me all along. I just failed to acknowledge it when I was in my sex addiction.