As a sexaholic, I have been blessed with five and a half years of continuous sobriety and recovery from lust. Much of my recovery is due to a high amount of service work in order to give back what has been so freely given to me. This includes attending International conventions when I can. I recently returned from the Jersey Strong SA/S-Anon/S-Ateen convention. The Saturday lunch S-Anon speaker was an S-Ateen instead. I was surprised by this change up. Tears welled up from behind my eyes and a lump developed in my throat.

I was blessed to never have sexually abused our son. However, I caused a great deal of damage otherwise — verbal abuse of him and my wife, throwing my wife into emotional distress, emotional abandonment causing his spiritual withdrawal while he lived at home, and ultimately his physical withdrawal when he moved as far away from us as he could move. One distinct, painful memory is that of all the years he lived with us, he never brought home any friend to study, spend the night, play games on his Nintendo — the “normal” things a child would do in a “normal” home.

When the S-Ateen approached the podium, tears began streaming down my cheeks. In my mind I could see my son about to reveal his pain. What a blessing, painful though it would be. He talked about the conditions in his home, about the behavior of his mother and father before they entered recovery. I cried. He talked about his inability to understand what was going on, his feelings of being at fault, his fears. I cried some more. He talked about his road to recovery as a family member of an active sexaholic. I cried again. Throughout his share, my heart warmed and I felt the grace of God upon him, upon me, upon my son and my wife. This one talk opened me up to my son’s journey and reduced the burden of guilt for my actions.

I will continue to listen to my Higher Power for direction. When I obey, the results amaze me. My life’s journey unfolds before me, and I am surprised that this journey also includes business results I try to plan for, personal relationship fulfillment that I could not have dreamed of, and a deeper connection and respect for God as I understand God. Thanks to S-Anon for putting forward an S-Ateen speaker in New Jersey. My life has taken another unexpected turn, for which I can never be truly grateful.