Sometimes I look back and wonder why it took me so long to finally start living by the most basic and bedrock principles of the 12 Step program. No doubt I was still unwilling to really surrender, so I kept trying to solve my own problem with my own ideas and effort.

Take willpower for example. What good is it to try to exercise my own willpower toward whatever I am powerless over? If I’m really powerless over lust, what use is my willpower? And when I keep trying to exercise my own willpower over lust, am I not simply saying I’ve never even gotten past Step 1? Do I really believe (admit) that I am powerless over lust in the first place?

The 12&12 (p. 40) told me that the whole purpose of the 12 Steps was to make it increasingly possible for me to attempt to bring my will into agreement with God’s intention for me. Understanding that and really doing that did not come naturally. But failure and despair got me ready to accept some things that others were trying to tell me. I had to have a change of heart, both in how I exercised my will and in how I accepted things I did not understand.