Originally published in ESSAY, December 2009

I attended my first SA meeting in 1988 in Nashville, Tennessee. At the time, Roy had nine years of sexual sobriety. Back then, the definition of “old-timer” was three years of sobriety. Roy was years ahead of the “new” old-timers. When Roy died September, 2009 at the age of 82, he had more than 25 years of sexual sobriety. His life and his sobriety were a gift to us all.

After Roy read the cover story of the April 22, 1974 Time magazine, entitled “The New Alcoholism,” he called Alcoholics Anonymous. He attended his first AA meeting that night, seeking a possible program of recovery for the “sex drunk.”

Roy’s identification of sexaholism as a spiritual disease echoed my own experience. His description of his attraction to “Azura—the Queen of Magic” (SA, 10) fit me perfectly. His 18 suggestions for “Overcoming Lust and Temptation” (SA, 157) were helpful to me in my early sobriety. I wrote a paragraph on one section per day.

During my first year in the program, the White Book was being edited by Roy and an editorial committee of three—including Nashville’s Jean P. I remember looking at Jean’s marked-up copy one day in which she suggested replacing male language in “What is a Sexaholic and What Is Sexual Sobriety?” (SA, 202) so that women would feel more included. The current “White Book” or Sexaholics Anonymous was the result of that editorial committee.

I remember Roy’s Saturday evening talk at the 1990 International Conference in Nashville. He shared the agony he experienced in having his Essay pieces shortened or changed by editors. However, Roy understood the value of the group editorial process in improving the final version for the good of the fellowship. I remember thinking this was Tradition Two in action: “. . . Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.”

In 1992, Roy announced that he would step back from Central Office management. It was a slow process to move the decisions for what was to become the SA International Central Office (SAICO) from Roy and Pat the secretary in California to a committee of seven. The 1994 California earthquake accelerated that process. Damage to the office building that housed SA led to a decision to move the office to Nashville.

Roy and his wife Iris flew to Nashville to participate in decisions regarding the new office. As it happened, the two of them stayed in my house. I was blessed to spend time talking with Roy and his wife about the SA fellowship. Roy frequently ended our talks with a prayer. His desire to connect with God was powerful. At times he seemed to feel that he fell short in this connection—yet his writing and work for SA were clear evidence of God working through his life, day after day.

Roy cared passionately for the suffering sexaholic. Over the years, he would have an insight into working the Steps, or of using the early AA experiences, or of using prayers or some other technique for becoming and remaining sexually sober. He wanted something to work for the struggling sexaholics—and he persistently sought God in these matters. During a phone call shortly before he died, Roy asked me if I had any final thoughts for him. I said only that I think he sometimes missed knowing how much people cared for him and how grateful we have been that God used him in forming SA.

With Roy’s passing has come new awareness of that gratitude. Roy often said he did not like the title of “founder.” He filled the role in our fellowship that Bill W. filled for Alcoholics Anonymous. Roy was most certainly the central figure in founding SA as we know it. He was part of God’s plan to spread hope and a chance to recover from a serious illness to thousands of others through Sexaholics Anonymous. For this we can never be sufficiently grateful.