The other morning I was going out for a run. A neighborhood next to ours has a hill coming down to a stop sign. I have run past this entrance several times and noticed that people tend to drive down the hill at a high rate of speed. This leads them to roll through the stop sign without stopping.

This particular morning I saw an SUV coming down the hill and gauged that our paths would intersect at the stop sign when I was in the crosswalk. They were driving pretty fast, so I knew they wouldn’t be able to stop without slamming on the brakes. I slowed down before entering the crosswalk to make sure they could see me. To my surprise, I was greeted with a loud honk.

I expressed displeasure by staring at the driver and throwing my hands in the air to say “Really???” My thoughts went to retaliating by spitting on the car, walking to the window to yell at the driver, and who knows what else. My resentments were alive and well and ready to take over. He endangered my life and was clearly in the wrong, right? Mind you, this all happened within a matter of seconds after hearing the honk. Then the next thing happened: he rolled down his window and said: “Sorry, that was my mistake, I didn’t mean to honk at you.”

Drunk on rage, the best response I could muster was to keep staring at him while quietly returning to my run. As I left the scene and processed what happened, I reflected on its significance. Three things occurred to me.

First, I acted out on my rage before I realized it. Even though it seemed justified, once the moment passed and his apology occurred, it became abundantly clear that expressing rage was not the right response. This thought turned into a prayer I’ve added to my Seventh Step: “God where I am quick to judge, may I be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”

Second, I began to think about the whole encounter from the driver’s perspective, which could be similar to my struggle with sexual acting out. When I am lusting, I am blind to others, I push the envelope (gas pedal) to achieve my desired result quicker. I react negatively to anything that gets in my way. Also, just like the driver, once I pass a certain point with my lusting, I will not be able to stop. This led me to think of my mental state preceding that point: why am I in such a hurry? what am I running from? what am I afraid of? what am I trying to achieve by pushing with self-will? why am I not surrendering?

Third, the final thought that occurred to me (I like this one the most), is that I did not need to say a word for this entire situation to play itself out. As much as I think it’s my duty to correct people when they make a mistake, it was the driver who recognized his wrong. He made amends before I got a chance to open my mouth. Sometimes God’s purpose may be my mere presence in a moment, rather than to be His enforcer. Sometimes just being there is more important than knowing what to say.

I will never know how the rest of the day went for that driver. The experience certainly blessed mine. Now, through sharing this, hopefully others may be blessed as well. I have more work to do to align my will with God’s. It seems to happen more the longer I stay sober, just as the literature says, “When we drew near to Him, He discloses Himself to us.” (AA 57)