Binging On Cookies Triggered His Lust

Binging On Cookies Triggered His Lust

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Upon reading the White Book and the literature of another S-fellowship in a psychosomatic hospital in 2020, I realized I am a sex addict and gained abstinence from any form of sex up until today.

After sexually drying up, I soon observed very clearly that the pain in my lower abdomen came about with fear, anger, flat breathing, and so on—with just stress. So the daily challenge ever since has become for me to stay out of stress as much as I can, and take time to relax. Moreover, I had to become honest, give up fighting, gain hope and trust, and find forgiveness—i.e. just work the Steps—because I cannot afford ongoing resentment, fear, remorse, shame, etc. They all mean stress to me and lead me back to lust—and pain in my lower abdomen.

Then Christmas came. My daughter and I bake Christmas cookies every year. As in every year before, I ate many cookies every day from Christmas Eve until 6 January. Soon, I began having very graphic sexual dreams repeatedly every night. I didn’t know why. One morning, after several nights like that, I sat on the edge of my bed crying. I knew I would relapse if this went on. In my desperation, I asked my Higher Power: “God, why do I have these dreams every night? What do I have to do in order for them to stop?” That morning after breakfast, I ate a number of cookies and immediately sensed pain in my lower abdomen.

Shortly afterwards, I had a phone conversation with my sponsor. We talked about all kinds of things. I also mentioned—somewhat casually—the cookies and the pain. He replied he didn’t know the phenomenon, but he had heard another SA member speak about how sugar was a driver for lust in him. I finally understood. I gave the remaining cookies away to my neighbors and stopped eating sweets entirely for some time. The erotic dreams ceased.

As I don’t suffer from a compulsive eating disorder, I went back to eating sweets from time to time—and baking and having cookies for Christmas—but much less than I used to. It works for me. The episode increased my trust in the power of prayer—of just honestly talking to my Higher Power about my concerns.

J. K., Bochum, Germany

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