The Program Works Everywhere

An incident today was another lesson in emotional sobriety.

I live in a “golf cart community.” Lots of golf courses, but we also use golf carts to go to the store, to dinner, to recreation, to meetings. Many streets have a dedicated golf cart lane beside the normal traffic lane.

Today, in such a lane, I came up behind a slower cart. I checked that the way was clear, then started to pass the other cart using the automobile lane. (“Overtake,” for my British friends) As I got just ahead of him, he sped up, blocking me from getting back into the cart lane. (These carts don’t have much speed, I was doing all I could.)

What I did:
I looked over and glared at him. He glared back. Still couldn’t gain enough to get in front. I yelled at him, “Slow down!” He yelled back, “Speed up!” After perhaps 15 seconds of this foolishness, he slowed back down and I completed the pass. My entire head and insides were in turmoil and anger. I brooded about the incident for another mile of travel before working out…

What I should have done:
When I realized he was being obstructive, I should have quietly dropped back behind him and accepted that I wasn’t going to pass this person.

(See SA 100)
1. I did wrong. Not by passing, that was okay, but by reacting badly to his insanity.
2. I was disturbed
3. I tried to quiet the disturbance in my own way
4. I denied to myself that I was in any wrong.
5. When that didn’t work, I only had two choices: treat my disturbance by blaming him, or treat the cause of my disturbance, my own wrong.
6. By dropping back, I would have made positive amends for my wrong, correcting/amending my wrong.
7. Had I done so, I would have felt better immediately.

Program. It works everywhere. Even in a golf cart.

Eric H., Florida, USA

Surrendering the Option to Act Out

Dear ESSAY, THANK YOU for publishing some articles on Japan in your June edition. It gave me special joy to read about my local fellowship in the international SA magazine.

I had read about the tool of “90 Meetings in 90 Days” in a previous ESSAY edition when I first started coming to SA. But I had decided that I couldn’t do it as there weren’t that many SA meetings in Japan. I hadn’t even considered it to be an option.

Lust attacks me heavily every month when I have my period, especially by promising it will soothe my severe menstrual cramps and the emotional turmoil that usually accompanies them. Some time ago, under such a fierce attack, I feared losing my sobriety but remembered the “90 Meetings in 90 Days” tool. Pondering that I couldn’t do 90 SA meetings in 90 days, I suddenly got the idea of attending open meetings of AA. I know the idea came to me from my Higher Power.

As there are many online AA meetings in Japan both day and night, I’ve since added them to my weekly schedule of meetings. When I go to an AA meeting, I am still surprised when I get that familiar calm feeling with no further need to act out. The other day, I was triggered by worry over my husband’s health and felt trapped by the thought of acting out. But instead, I surrendered and asked my Higher Power to take care of him. That simple surrender kept me from acting out again.

I admit to my sponsor every morning that I am a sexaholic. I engage in Step work, meet daily with my online fellows, and I calm down by sharing in my meetings. My sexaholism hasn’t gone away, but I’m gradually gaining trust that if I follow the program by surrendering my struggles and my will, my Higher Power will keep me sober. I am going to spend one more day without relying on lust, but instead, surrendering the option to act out.