Many Problems, Threefold Solution

Many Problems, Threefold Solution


“We saw that our problem was threefold: physical, emotional and spiritual. Healing had to come about in all three” (SA 204). As a recovering sexaholic, I have taken this statement from “The Solution” to heart. With a little reflection, I can remember what it was like before coming into the rooms of SA over twenty years ago. This healing can only continue with the program tools of working the Steps and reading literature, going to meetings, working with a sponsor, and the help of group members.

For me, physical recovery was twofold. First, I had to dry out from lust and the toll I had inflicted on my body from acting out and binging for hours on the internet. Sleep patterns were
significantly disrupted as I would act out by viewing images for hours in the late night to early
morning hours as my wife slept in a room with my son and left me alone in our bedroom. I would then have three to four hours sleep, drag myself to work hungover and barely functioning. Only by the grace of God did I not proceed to access content on my work computer, which I had done at home.

Drying out also included going for long periods without having relations with my wife. As “The
Solution” says, “We discovered that we could stop, that not feeding the hunger didn’t kill us, that sex was indeed optional.” Secondly, as a person who had been active in various sports
before giving it all up to the addiction, I had to take care of myself. I began to take early morning walks as a substitute for binging on the computer. I have now continued these morning walks with a daily sobriety renewal (DSR). I have rediscovered my passion for physical activity by taking up cycling, which I have done for the past ten years, since I can no longer play court sports due to sports injuries.

In the area of emotional sobriety, I have found that checking in with fellow program members
and my sponsor on a daily basis when I am disturbed with resentment and fear is key to my
recovery. The check-ins specifically reflect page 552 in the AA Big Book, “Freedom From Bondage,” “If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person …” and the Step 4 inventory on page 65 of the Big Book. In doing so, when I share, I make sure I am not just sharing the problem but what steps to the solution I am taking, including doing a written inventory of the event. This practice keeps me grounded. Additionally, I do an inventory at the end of the night, taking into consideration debits and assets as well as gratitudes. This has been a written inventory at times and lately it is quiet reflection time.

Spiritual healing came to me when I embraced that I was powerless not only from lust but from many other things, most importantly myself. This continues to be a work in progress, but what has worked for me is upon waking, doing prayer and meditation. These practices have been implemented instead of waking up early and watching the daily sports news which was
triggering for me. I personalize the Third Step Prayer based on what needs surrendering on that day. Besides family and friends, I also pray for each person in my home group and for God’s will to be done in whatever they may be struggling with. I found that going through the alphabet by first name and visualizing the people sitting in the meeting room helps me remember who is walking the path of recovery with me.

Finally, I listen and meditate with a spiritual podcast from my faith tradition. Since being in recovery, I participate in my faith practices, preferring to be a learner instead of resisting and rebelling against teachings. I also serve in a variety of roles for my church. None of this happened overnight. It has been a slow process, but none of this would have been possible without the Steps and the principles.

Chris M., California, USA

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