I recently dated someone for three months. The first month was great, but by the second month, I felt like he was pulling back emotionally, and by the third month, we said our goodbyes.

Earlier in the third month, I broached the topic to him that I had been feeling a change in our communications for a few weeks. He thought about it, then it dawned on him why he was pulling back. As we discussed it, we both realized it was something that neither of us could overcome: For us to continue forward, one person would have to sacrifice themselves for the other. That didn’t feel right. We had hit an impasse.

In one conversation, I unexpectedly went from being in a relationship to being single again.

Towards the end of that conversation, I asked if he was open to doing a postmortem of the relationship with me. I had briefly mentioned to him during our relationship that this is something I do if things don’t work out, and this time he asked me to describe the postmortem in more detail. After I did so, he agreed to do it, and we decided on a time and place to have a final meeting.

Two days before the meeting, I sent him a letter to share with him the things that I’ve learned about myself whilst in the relationship, what I appreciate about him, my feedback for him (always ask permission to give feedback), and finally, my best wishes for him. The next day, he sent me the same, and even added to it our special moments together.

On the day of the meeting, we had an honest discussion of what we wrote and of the things we hadn’t written. We were able to apologize and forgive each other for the ways we may have harmed the other. It was obvious that we still had feelings for each other, yet we also knew that this decision was for the best. We wanted different things, and it’s okay. What he is looking for is out there, and what I am looking for is out there, too.

I was also able to explain to him in more depth why, after this meeting, I would have to block him and clear out our conversations. I have a funny kind of luck with exes. Sometimes, years and years after parting ways, I would get random calls or text messages indicating that they miss me. If God so wishes to grant me a husband, I don’t want him to ever have to think why my exes would want to—and are able to—reach out to a sexaholic like me.

I explained that when I block him, it doesn’t mean that I hate him, nor is it a restraining order. If we saw each other on the street, why wouldn’t we smile or wave? But we don’t need to be up close or in each other’s personal lives. We can each have our space to prepare beautifully for the next chapter ahead of us.

I had planned an early dinner with a friend, and this luckily became the bookend to our meeting, because we didn’t really want it to end. Minutes before we parted ways, we found a quiet place to sing to each other and say our goodbyes. We even joked that we highly recommended this breakup experience to others. After saying our goodbyes in person, I waited a few minutes to say goodbye to him over text, and we both knew what would come next.

It was the best and most wholesome breakup I’ve had to date, and I’ve also had equally fulfilling and meaningful experiences in the last two breakups I had where we did a postmortem.

While dating sober, I learned to have meaningful conversations about each person’s respective needs in a relationship, and to honor those needs, without causing undue harm to the other person.

I learned that if I continue to focus on my recovery, I don’t need to be in fear that there is no one out there for me—I can learn to trust in God’s love, abundance, provision, and perfect timing, because He always had me meet someone who was a better fit than the last.

I learned that I am able to get feedback on my thoughts and plans on sober dating from my sponsor, fellows in the program, marriage mentors, family, and friends, so that I don’t have to rely on my own thinking.

Whether God wills for me to get married or not, just for today it is enough that I have hopes for a better future, the courage to change, and the willingness to take the next right step.