I am grateful for six years of sobriety, starting October 10, 2011. It has been by the grace of God, the support of the fellowship, and a whole lot of work on my part.

Newcomers in their 20s and 30s walk through the doors and I think, “If only I had started then.” Sometimes I see them leave, not ready to embrace their own powerlessness. As I began writing my first Step, I reviewed my journals I kept on how my life was NOT developing the way I thought it should develop. There was an entry from 20 years before I entered SA.

It was an era of sexual exposition, people coming forth about their sexual lives, wives discovering men who were unfaithful and broadcasting it on daytime talk shows for the feasting salacious viewer (like me).

I wrote at that time, “I wonder if I’m a sex addict.” Seven words that could have changed my life if I had listened to them at 33. God, and God alone, had kept me safe up to that point. I had been unfaithful to my wife with other men. “It’s just sex, honey,” I justified. “I love you. They are just relief for me.” (“I wonder if I’m a sex addict,” always playing in my mind.) I did not have access to SA in the Rocky Mountains where we lived. There was no internet. Google did not exist. And I certainly could not have gone to the local public library to search big city phone books for “sex addiction.” I am not entirely certain that sex addiction counseling was big enough to have yellow page ads back then (remember the Yellow Pages?). Twenty more years I would wander.

Instead, I kept acting out. More frequent partners, more risky behavior, more involvement of and concessions from my wife, and more justification for my actions. All the while, I believed that I was in the wrong relationship. If only I could find the man I could love, THEN my life would be wonderful. Twenty more years.

So my heart leaps with joy when I see young people enter our program. These are people who may still have their health, their families, their jobs, and even two cars in the garage, who recognize their sexaholism (12&12, 23). They can save themselves 20 more years of “incomprehensible demoralization” (AA, 30). They can set about correcting harms they have done and with a much smaller list than they WILL have in 20 more years. They can trust the spirit of the folks who have gone before, and who have gone through a great deal more than they will have to go through, if only they are willing “to follow a few simple rules” for living (AA, xxix). They don’t have to suffer 20 more years.

To our younger fellows, I pray for your release from bondage. Know that “…you will find release from care, boredom, and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead” (AA, 152). This I have found, and much more, in Sexaholics Anonymous. And in only five years! I thank God that I was protected and my family was protected from disease, death, or mental degradation. What we suffered, individually and collectively, we can right — together as a family. I am excited about 20 more years, if it be God’s will.

For our fellows who choose to leave, I will stand by the door guiding you back into the rooms with my voice if you choose to hear me. That is my sole purpose in life now — to help the sexaholic who still suffers. No one need wait 20 more years to step inside.