As with a lot of things in the Program, I grew into sponsorship. First, I had to learn to be a good sponsee and work my own program well. Then when I began sponsoring, I learned from my sponsees. Here is what I have learned so far.

A good sponsor …

… is a good listener. Many times a sponsee just needs to talk, to get light into his/her thinking by letting things out. I don’t need to rescue, load with advice, counsel or judge. I need to listen well.

… doesn’t judge the person but rather the behavior. If I act out, I am not a bad person. I am acting in an unhealthy way. My behavior is a statement about my addiction and disease, not a statement about my morals.

… is humble. “This worked for me,” “I suggest you try this.” When my sponsee doesn’t follow my advice, I let him/her learn from it. Experience is the best teacher. I didn’t get sober the way I had planned it. What worked was God’s plan.

… walks the walk. I must follow my own advice. I must be using the “tools of the program” and getting progressive victory over lust. I must be real. The sponsee should see honesty and results in my life.

… sticks to the point of the program – sobriety. I can’t solve the marital problems of my sponsees, correct their political views or their personal habits. I can only address their desire to be sober.

… is encouraging. I made mistakes working my program. I have to let my sponsees make mistakes without discouraging them. My Higher Power was patient with me. I can also be patient and encouraging with my sponsees.

… has his/her own sponsor. There is a chain of sponsorship. What I learn from following my sponsor’s suggestions, I can pass on to my sponsees. My sponsor helps me see things objectively, including my relationship with my sponsees.

… prays. Sobriety is a Grace. It doesn’t come from my power; it comes from surrendering to my Higher Power. Praying helps maintain my sobriety. I help my sponsees and my sponsor as well by praying for them.

… is healthy in mind, body and spirit. Without some awareness of what is going on in my life, I could “project” onto my sponsees some of my own issues. I need to have a way of letting go of my own tendency to get things my own way. To be useful to my sponsees, I need to be healthy and take care of myself.

There is a flow of the Spirit from sponsor to sponsee to the person the sponsee sponsors. It is a river bringing health, hope, sobriety and victory over lust.