For me this is a Program of action. I use a handful of coins with newcomers as a tool to explain Steps 1 through 3.

To begin, I ask the person to pick up a coin if they came from a family of secrets. Then I take a coin, as that’s part of my story. Then, pick up a coin if they were sexually abused or introduced to pornography at an early age. Pick up a coin if they learned about masturbation before puberty. If they masturbated more often than they thought was proper, pick up a coin. If there were other addicts in the family, pick up a coin.

Pick up a coin if they were doing things against their family’s traditional religion or the family’s values. If they started living in fantasy, anger, or resentment, pick another one. If they made boundaries and then crossed them, if they wasted an hour or more on the internet, if they married hoping to stop acting out, pick up a coin.

I ask if at any time in their life they decided they did not want these actions anymore and asked God to take them away, or if they swore not to engage in the behavior any more but did it anyway, or if they asked God to end their life because they could not stop, take a coin.

I tell them I asked God “Please take this away” and He never would. I talk about making a fist and pleading “I don’t want this… I don’t want this… I don’t want this.” I begged, I cried out, I bargained, and nothing happened. Then I found the SA Program.

I went to the Program and asked them to take these away. They said “No, you have to give them away. God is not going to take them away. You have to give them to Him. You have to turn it over to Him.”

Then I turn my fist over still holding my coins. And I say “I have to let go to give them away” and I let go of my coins. They cause a clatter and noise and then I say “That’s Steps 1, 2, and 3 in a nutshell. The key is DON’T PICK THEM UP!” I ask them to do the same. Sometimes we do this in a restaurant, sometimes in the parking lot after a meeting. They feel freedom no matter where we are as they experience their first surrender.