Originally published in ESSAY, December 2008, edited

Sexaholics Anonymous reaffirms itself as a fellowship of men and women in an SA Meeting Participation Statement that emphasizes that a “…spirit of inclusivity is fundamental to the identity of an SA group.” For valid reasons, women are a minority in SA meetings. Many meetings have no women at all. This makes it very difficult for a female newcomer to feel welcome in SA, even though she needs the SA program every bit as much as her male counterpart.

A first meeting can be such a key moment of willingness and admission of powerlessness. For those of us who are women, we often feel very, very alone during that moment as we look out over a sea of male faces and wonder how here we’re going to get well?

Some of the best experience of women newcomers is in the sample flyer shown below. Please feel free to make copies of it, revise it for your local area, or use however you need. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Welcome Women! We’re Glad You’re Here!

Women newcomers who think they might have a problem with lust are welcome to Sexaholics Anonymous. In addition to coming back to this meeting, you will probably also want to find a way to connect with other women in SA recovery. Women in SA make phone calls to each other for support outside of meetings, ask other women to be their sponsors, and make plans to attend meetings together. Because there are more men in SA recovery than women, we know it can be a challenge to reach out if there aren’t any other women at your first meeting. Please know that there are sober women in SA. Following are a few tips for making a connection with them.

• Attend SA Phone Meetings. These daily calls occur throughout the day and are often attended by SA members from all over the world. A few women are usually present in addition to men. Check www.sa.org/meetings_phone/ to find the up-to-date phone number, meeting times, and meeting descriptions.

• Contact SAICO. The SA International Central Office has a list of SA women to take calls from women newcomers and who may have resources for sponsors. Contact SAICO at saico@sa.org or +1 866-424-8777 and ask for the phone list.

• Attend the SA International Conventions. These are held in January and July. Conventions are announced at www.sa.org and are attended by women SA members from around the world. At these conventions, many women find sponsors, meet other women in recovery, and share stories and phone numbers with other women.

• Buy SA literature. Literature is available at face to face meetings or at www.sa.org. Literature that specifically contains stories from women includes Member Stories, the Step Into Action book, and the five times per year publication Essay. The fellowship also has a brochure SA Is For Women. Get it at www.sa.org/store.

• Keep Coming Back to This Meeting. Even though you may be the only woman at this meeting, you are not the only woman with the disease of sexaholism. Women and men alike have found recovery in SA. Many members have been helped by the suggestion to try six SA meetings before deciding whether the program is right for you. Keep coming back! SA works if you work it, and you are welcome here.