This personal experience at the EMER Convention was scheduled for publication in the December 2024 issue of the ESSAY but had to be saved for this issue. Be sure to listen to the author’s interview on the December 2024 episode of, “ESSAY Conversations – Beyond the Page” at essay.sa.org/get-involved/essay-podcast.

I‘ve been thinking about writing an article regarding service and fellowship because they’ve both impacted my sobriety and recovery over the last 20 months. As I begin writing this article, I’m sitting in the Vienna Airport, waiting to board a flight to London to spend a week vacationing with members of my extended sober family (fellows in recovery). I just attended the Europe and Middle East Region (EMER) Convention where the theme was “Rule 62: Don’t Take Yourself Too Damn Seriously” (12&12, 149). [This is also the theme for the ESSAY April 2025 issue. Start submitting your own ESH now to essay@sa.org.]

Plans for my trip began to form several weeks ago when a recovery fellow from Armenia visited my home group, and something told me to connect with him after the meeting. He told me the EMER Convention would be in the Czech Republic two months later, and I joked that I would pressure Gary (a local fellow) to go with me to the EMER Convention. I wasn’t really serious, but when I mentioned it to Gary, he was clearly enthusiastic—the beginnings of a plan were set in motion.

Gary and I traveled separately to Mikulov, Czechia, the convention city, by way of Vienna, where we connected with many recovery fellows from all over Europe and the Middle East. It was Thursday, September 19, 2024, the day before the convention would start, when we began to filter into Mikulov. Even though Gary and I had traveled separately, we were staying with a group of guys in an apartment rented by a man from the Slovakian fellowship. While waiting at the apartment, I saw Gary come walking up with his new friends including another man from Slovakia whose infectious laugh came easily and was heard from great distances putting a smile on my own face throughout the weekend.

I was amazed at the camaraderie as every arriving group made sure to say hello to the groups who were already present—shaking hands or hugging. I saw from the outset that the EMER fellowship was very close and cared very much for each other.

After a dinner that went late into the evening on Thursday, eight or nine of us returned to the apartment. The Slovakian men talked and laughed boisterously into the night, and I quickly felt like part of their fellowship, like they cared about me and were happy I was there.

Before the convention started on Friday afternoon, various groups branched out into the city to sightsee and get to know each other. Our explorations took us to an ancient-looking chapel where Gary and I spent some time praying, meditating, chanting, and singing with two other new friends. One of them, a guy from Hungary, chanted as was his traditional custom, Gary and I sang, and we were all very spiritually moved by it. I’ll never forget sharing in that chapel with those men.

Later that day while the EMER Regional Assembly met at Mikulov Castle, we went to a coffee shop with a terrace that overlooked the castle’s gardens and provided sweeping views of the local countryside. The terrace also provided a nice opportunity to talk about Program principles, the Steps, and where we were with the Fellowship and our individual recovery programs.

Once the EMER Convention began, it proceeded like many conventions I’ve been to. Speakers shared their experience, strength, and hope in joint meetings of SA and S-Anon. I also enjoyed smaller, Program-specific meetings where individual members got to share. Our Slovakian hosts arranged for such topics as, “Acceptance into Serenity,” “Living on a Spiritual Basis,” “Helping Newcomers,” “Tradition One,” “Working with Prisoners,” “12th Step and 12th Tradition,” “Zero Lust,” “Under New Management,” “Going to Any Lengths,” “Faith that Works,” “What is SA Sobriety?”, “The Family Afterwards,” “Boundaries in Recovery,” “Progressive Victory Over Lust,” “Emotional Sobriety,” and “A Vision for You.”

I was honored and privileged to speak about my experience with the topic of “Zero Lust” and to lead the meetings about “What is SA Sobriety?” and “Faith that Works.” I was fortunate to meet and hear Luc D. share his experience, strength, and hope in a breakout meeting. I was saddened to hear of his sudden passing just one month later. Throughout the convention, I took many notes on things that impacted me from members’ shares, messages that carried for me both depth and weight.

What impacted me most deeply were the meetings between the meetings: the fellowship that occurred over coffee, while exploring the city, before bedtime, and while sharing meals in large groups. I remember most sitting down with Gary and several others during dinner on Friday night. I learned about two fellows from England and heard three others discuss the relationship among four nearby countries (a topic that interested me given my prior studies in international relations and recent curiosity about the region).

At breakfast the next morning I spent time with a man from Scotland and got to learn about recent events in his life. At dinner Saturday night I sat down and consciously left space for anyone who needed somewhere to sit. I was soon surrounded by men from Ireland and Slovakia. We discussed the Steps and what it means to be a sober man. We talked about how to express love, care, and affection for our families and for our fellows in recovery. The next day, I got to chat with a couple of men from the UK about Zoom meetings, relationships, sponsorship, and the necessity of having a new spiritual experience if we’re still suffering in sobriety.

I enjoyed meeting all these men, but what was most special was realizing that we shared a common problem and that we were pursuing a common solution. It was truly an honor to be trusted by these men, to hear about their lives, and to share my own story and personal experiences. I also enjoyed meeting Program sisters who are good examples of sober women pursuing their own recovery.

Why have I included all these convention details in an article called, “The Fellowship We Crave”? Because it reminds me of what Bill W. wrote to alcoholics who had just found the Big Book but worried they’d miss out on the benefit of meeting the people who had already recovered from alcoholism—who were at the time primarily located in Ohio and New York. Bill addressed the concern of these new fellows and reassured them by saying: Some of you may be concerned that you won’t get to meet with the early pioneers of this program. “We cannot be sure. God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave” (AA,164, emphasis added).

In the last few weeks, I’ve thought a lot about this passage and other pieces of advice from the Big Book. I’ve been in SA since January 2009 and claimed sobriety from January 2010 to January 2023 when I admitted I had not been living a sober life and that I was miserable and unhappy. I was at a point of despair where I couldn’t avoid looking at my drunkenness and lack of recovery. Being driven to that point, and with the support and advice of my sponsor and other fellows in the Program, I went to Higher Power and felt convicted to restart my sobriety on January 28, 2023. When I took that step, I knew that I couldn’t, on my own, stay sober if it meant surrendering lust in all the forms I had indulged over the prior 13 years.

So I became a newcomer again—in both AA and SA.

I attended at least one meeting every day with the goal of completing “90 in 90” (a 12-Step practice of attending 90 meetings in 90 days). I already had an SA sponsor, but I got a new AA sponsor and called both of my sponsors every day. I also called many other alcoholics and sexaholics every day. I began working the Steps in both programs. I listened to sober speakers talk about working the Steps. Though these things were all working, I often thought of a principle Gary repeatedly emphasized from the Big Book, that “our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers [or ex-problem lusters], depend on our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs” (AA, 20). Consequently, I also threw myself into helping other people. If there was a newcomer at the meeting, I would get to know him and see how I could help him understand the meeting or identify with our sexaholic stories. I called people who appeared to be struggling. I tried to help men connect with potential sponsors. Part of this effort was to be as helpful as possible in order to maximize my chance at staying sober. Another reason was to make general amends for having sponsored men in SA thinking I had something to offer but was still in denial about the progression of my own disease as I acted out during that period of so-called sobriety.

In short, I spent as much of my waking time as possible actively recovering and working all three aspects of our Program of recovery—unity, recovery, and service—beginning with a focus on my own recovery by thoroughly working the Steps.

I still strive to live this way today, guided by many concepts and suggestions in the Big Book. One of these suggestions is that my primary purpose as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and Sexaholics Anonymous is to stay sober and to help others achieve sobriety. I have been given the miracle of relief from the craving and mental obsessions of drugs, alcohol, lust, and sex, and I owe it to my Higher Power and to my fellows to be of service to anyone who seeks the same relief.

This is a continual theme in the Big Book. At the end of “Bill’s Story” (AA, Chapter 1), he writes that “In one western city and its environs there are one thousand of us [AAs] and our families” (AA,15). For the alcoholics of the day, I’m sure that was an incredible number to contemplate. It probably seems similarly miraculous to the EMER fellowship to contemplate as many men and women as attended the Europe & Middle East Convention. Bill W. goes on to say that they “meet frequently so that newcomers may find the fellowships they seek” (AA, 15-16). Moving back to “A Vision for You” (AA, Chapter 11), Bill describes the growth of the fellowship in Akron and gives some clues about what it was like in those early days before they could count 1,000 members there. He wrote:

A year and six months later these three [men] had succeeded with seven more. Seeing much of each other, scarce an evening passed that someone’s home did not shelter a little gathering of men and women, happy in their release, and constantly thinking how they might present their discovery to some newcomer. In addition to these casual get-togethers, it became customary to set apart one night a week for a meeting to be attended by anyone or everyone interested in a spiritual way of life. Aside from fellowship and sociability, the price object was to provide a time and place where new people might bring their problems (AA, 159-160, emphasis added).

Personally, I found a rich, rewarding, fulfilling, inclusive, loving, and compassionate fellowship at the EMER Convention in Czechia. Was it because they are such a giving group and saw me as a prospect to help? Perhaps. Was it because I’m Gary’s friend? Possibly. However, my belief is that the EMER Convention was a special experience because I practiced the suggestions that Bill W. and the early AAs offer to all of us—specifically, I made an effort to spend time thinking “of others and how [I] may help meet their needs” (AA, 20). I tried to get to know and understand people. I made an effort to sit and talk with people. I participated in conversations around me. I asked men about their personal lives, their programs, their struggles, where they were in their sobriety and recovery. I listened, and I was honored to have men share their lives with me.

As I leave EMER now, I really think I found the fellowship I had been craving before I even realized it. It dawned on me in the deep meaningful hugs with men I hadn’t previously known. If we lived closer to one another, I’m sure we’d regularly exchange easy expressions of love and care. I say that because that is what sober men like my SA sponsor, my AA sponsor, Gary, and other men have done for me and what I do for the men I’m working with and fellowshipping with. I find deep satisfaction in sharing these expressions with men who are working toward sobriety and recovery.

If you had asked me two years or even two months ago whether I thought I’d find fellowship in a distant Czech town, I would have responded with doubt or disbelief. But I followed what felt like “an intuitive thought or impulse” (AA, 86) to connect with others by suggesting in half-jest that Gary and I attend the EMER Convention. As a result, I established new and deep connections with many fellows. Was it because I followed the Big Book’s advice to be of service and focus on others who need my help? Yes, but that’s not all. I ask Higher Power every day to keep me sober so I can help others in recovery, to give me the willingness to do whatever is in front of me, to allow me to be a channel of His love and care for the men and women He would have me be of service to, and to place me where I can be most useful and effective in His service. It’s this reliance on Higher Power combined with simple actions I take on a daily basis that helped me find the fellowship I craved. I hope the men and women I was privileged to meet felt as deeply loved, cared for, and fulfilled as I did.

I will close this essay the way a man I know in AA closes his shares: “I love every single one of you, and there isn’t a single thing you can do about it, because each and every one of you brings new perspectives, new problems, and new solutions to this group. Now I get to learn from your perspectives and solutions.” This is how I feel about the men and women of EMER.

Thank you for a wonderful weekend! I look forward to seeing you all again on the Road of Happy Destiny.