The power of God sustained her during the nightmare of hearing a disclosure. 

I first came to SA in January 2022. I knew immediately that I found people who could help me find true sobriety.

I was in a relationship with someone, though we weren’t married. We tried to be respectful of the need to wait for sex until marriage, but we struggled.

A short time after my first SA meeting, my partner said he needed to tell me something. I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be good, but I was completely unprepared for what happened. He had been acting out with many people for a long time. He went into detail and told me many things I never should have known. I kept asking for more details, and he kept giving them. It was like a living nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. My mind was so confused, and my heart was so broken that I couldn’t help myself. I was literally in shock for days.

That is what I’ve come to know as full disclosure. I was completely unaware of his behavior. I had lived in the lie that we were monogamous and fully committed to each other. I never suspected what was happening.

I had no defense for what he said. I had no safe space in my mind to cope with his words. I was lost between what I thought was a really good life and the truth of betrayal.

He left soon after telling me. I was even more hurt by that. It seemed that the abandonment was the final blow.

I kept going to meetings and found a woman who was willing to work with me. I miraculously stayed sober for about 18 months. The power of God is so much bigger than I can even explain. Only God has the power to keep me sober. I ultimately relapsed as I became fully obsessed with his lustful lifestyle. I don’t even have power over the lust of another person. Today, I am grateful that I put myself in the position to change my sobriety date. My dedication to the Program and every 24 hours is stronger for it. I pray never to fall into the grip of lust again.

I no longer have any contact with that partner, and I don’t know how he’s doing.

I do know that, having experienced the shock and strain of his full disclosure, I would never recommend anyone put their loved one in that most hurtful situation. It is absolutely a miracle that I have been able to heal from it. I am grateful and amazed by the unity of the Fellowship, the deep love of sponsorship, and the power of God.

If anyone has plans to tell their loved one all of the details, I suggest talking to longtime members for guidance. The unnecessary damage I’ve gone through can be avoided. It didn’t help either of us as individuals, and it didn’t set us up to succeed as a couple. The book Alcoholics Anonymous clearly states that we should never disclose something to someone who would be hurt by our words. There are other steps we use to clean up the wreckage of the past. The Steps work when we work them. Sober and grateful.