Jesse L. has raised the question of going back to the previous wording of our sobriety statement on page 4 of the SA booklet. The revised statement currently reads:
“Thus, for the sexaholic, any form of sex with one’s self or with partners other than the spouse is progressively addictive and destructive. We also see that lust is the driving force behind our sexual acting out, and true sobriety includes progressive victory over lust.”
The objection is that this loses the explicit description of what sobriety is for the single and married which the previous wording had, which read as follows:
“Thus, for the married sexaholic, sexual sobriety means having sex only with the spouse. Any form of lust, sex with one’s self, or with partners other than the spouse is progressively addictive and destructive. For the unmarried sexaholic, sexual sobriety means freedom from lust and sex of any kind.”
One reason for changing the original wording was that it implied that any lust in the single person meant he or she was not sober. For the married person it seemed to state only that lust was destructive. We now see from our experience that victory over lust is progressive as we continue in sobriety. I tried to close this loophole in the current wording. Also, I was wondering whether it was wise to indicate two classes of sexaholics, as though they were intrinsically different, when, in fact, there seems to be no real difference between single and married when we’re talking about sobriety. Single, married, man, woman, homosexual—there seems to be no difference when we’re talking about sobriety.
The current wording does seem to lose the clarity of the original, and there seems to be a growing need to state clearly and unequivocally what sexual sobriety is in both cases.
Combining both old and new wordings together with a little rewriting produces the following:
“Thus, for the married sexaholic, sexual sobriety means having sex only with the spouse or none at all. For the unmarried sexaholic, sexual sobriety means freedom from sex of any kind. We also see that lust is the driving force behind our sexual acting out, and true sobriety includes progressive victory over lust. Any form of lust, sex with one’s self, or with partners other than the spouse is progressively addictive and destructive.”
I’ve added the words “or none at all” in the case of the married to reflect our growing discovery that sex in marriage is optional and periods of abstinence can play an important part in recovery. Also, that there’s no intrinsic difference in sobriety between single and married. [𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝙿𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚙𝚕𝚎, 𝚙𝚙. 𝟷𝟸𝟶-𝟷𝟸𝟷.]
However, I still have second thoughts about whether we in fact want to differentiate between married and unmarried. Seems to me what we’re really saying is, “Thus, for the sexaholic, sexual sobriety means having sex only with the spouse or none at all.”
☆This is your chance for feedback on this important subject. What do you think? (Comments only from sober members, please.) Since the mood seems to be to get the SA booklet out in finalized form, your timely inputs are requested.
