(The following comments are from SA and S-Anon members who attended a joint SA/S-Anon meeting sponsored by groups from the Baltimore-Washington area on March 10, 1996. The joint meeting theme was “Two Sides of the Same Coin.”)

When I was asked to speak at the SA/S-Anon meeting, the topic especially interested me. “Two Sides of the Same Coin” brought to mind my First Step and the utter despair I found myself in when I was alone, without God’s strength, God’s hope and God’s love. My disease of looking for others to fill my “God-need” is a mis-connection that leads to disaster. The details are important to me in as far as “my story” outlines the role that my day-to-day choices have played in the midst of this mis-connection. When I struggle and suffer without my Higher Power, as others do without theirs, then the differences don’t matter. Poison is poison and darkness is darkness.

I have been a member of S-Anon for a year and nine months now, but I still wasn’t sure how my talk might be received by SA and wondered, in my co-dependent way, if some might feel their problem was so different that any ‘outside’ sharing wouldn’t be helpful. Then I remembered (and was reminded) that I was there for my own recovery and could only tell my own story. Nevertheless, I was very nervous.

During the meeting I heard others speak of disease, loss, discovery, spiritual work, and hope. But after I spoke, something happened that I didn’t expect. An SA said to me, “l heard my story today when you spoke.” Another said, “I realize I have been using anger toward women to stay sober.” It seemed to me these fellow 12-Steppers felt the unity and similarities in our struggles and progress. In each other we could recognize open hearts, trust and a desire for recovery. Light is light. I am grateful to have been part of such a healing experience. It has deepened my sense of connectedness, acceptance and joy in seeing growth in myself and others as God’s children in search of He who is always waiting with the light on.

I am a sexaholic who has been sober for two years by the grace of God and my willingness to work the SA Program.

When I came to the Program three-and-a-half years ago, I was fearful of lusting after fellow SAs’ wives who met in the same building as our SA meetings. But as we shared after meetings, I got to know some of the wives in a good way and found the experiences of sharing were positive. Again, during the joint SA/S-Anon meeting, I saw that the problem at the heart of all of us is the same “lack of power.” The desire to be filled up and made whole is the same. I am looking forward to another such joint meeting as a safe haven where I can learn more about myself and others. Through this, I am finding what my lust was looking for.