Step Two

[This is a continuation of an article on the Steps from December 2001 ESSAY]

Step 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Many of us who have difficulty believing that there is a God or that (S)He will help us, can begin by letting the group be a “power greater than ourselves.” After all, here is a group of people who suffer from the same disease, who have found a way to overcome the problem. Surely that’s more than we have been able to accomplish for ourselves.

Chapter 4 of Alcoholics Anonymous, “We Agnostics,” begins to describe the spiritual solution for our illness. I strongly recommend reading it carefully. The Greek word from which agnostic comes means literally “lacking or without knowledge.” My problem when I arrived was that I had many ideas about God (many of them wrong), but I lacked knowledge and understanding about God. “We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe that there is a Power greater than myself? As soon as a man (or woman) can say that (s)he does believe or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him (s)he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual program can be built” (page 47, parentheses & underlining are mine).

There is a description of what the term “spiritual” means in an Appendix in Alcoholics Anonymous. There are many other questions posed in this chapter. When I go through this chapter with my sponsees, I encourage the sponsee to answer these questions. They are not rhetorical! Studying Chapter 4 helped me become willing to believe that God could help me, but some of my old ideas got in the way. How could I let go of these old ideas?

One of the most useful tools I have been given in recovery is a spiritual inventory. This is a simple tool that is best performed in a notebook. Open the notebook so that you have two blank pages on which to write. Label the far left column on the left page “Powerful people.” The rest of the left page is “What happened; what I learned.” The right page is “The Truth I choose to believe today”; leave this blank, initially. In the first column begin listing the people who were a power greater than you when you were a child.

For most of us, Mom and Dad will head the list. For others there will be stepparents, grandparents, older siblings, neighbors, teachers, and others who might not be family members. In the next column describe your experience with this person, and what you came to believe about “a power greater than yourself” as a result of this relationship. For example:

Powerful people	What happened; what I learned (old ideas)
Mom	Beat me and my siblings for imagined or small mistakes. God is cruel and will punish me harshly whenever He is angry.
Mom	Was paralyzed by fear when my sister was injured, could not even take her to the doctor. I can’t count on God; I must take care of myself.
Dad	Was always at work; didn’t have time for the kids. God is too busy with important things to care for me.
Dad	Did not protect me or the other kids from Mom. God doesn’t care about me or my pain.

As you list your own experiences, you will begin to see some of your old ideas that may get in the way of taking the 3^rd Step. Some of the experiences and ideas may seem repetitious; these may be the deeply ingrained beliefs that you most need to change.

Once you have completed this portion of the inventory, it’s time to begin writing what you believe about your conception of God. You may wish to discuss this with your sponsor, clergy, or other spiritual guide. Having identified our old ideas and false beliefs that kept us in bondage, we are now commencing to describe the attributes of the Power greater than ourselves which will restore us to sanity. Returning to the previous example, begin writing on the right page, “The Truth I choose to believe today” which will replace the old idea.

Old idea (in second column)	The Truth I choose to believe today
God is cruel and will punish me harshly whenever He is angry.	My God is kind and loving. He has already forgiven all my sins.
I can’t count on God; I must take care of myself.	My God knows my needs and provides for me.
God is too busy with important things to care for me.	My God delights in me.
God doesn’t care about me or my pain.	My God wept every time He saw me hurt.

For me, finding the words to express the Truth required the help of others who could see past my own shame, fear, and pain. I did not have to allow someone else to tell me what I had to believe. I did listen to persons whose lives were working better than my own as they describe the characteristics of the God who had delivered them from the bondage in which I remained.

Once I had listed these characteristics of my Higher Power, I distilled my beliefs to short affirmations, which I review daily to affirm my new ideas. Seven years later these affirmations about my relationship to the God of my understanding are an important part of my morning devotion.

I will admit that for the better part of the first year, I repeated these from my head without any real feeling that they applied to me. However, as I repeated these daily affirmations, and began to experience the fruits of my participation in the program and fellowship, these Truths found their way into my heart. Today, I know and feel that I am the beloved child of a loving and a gracious heavenly Father.

Because I persisted through those first months, even when the feelings were uncomfortable, I can now look back over seven years of a comforting relationship with the God of my understanding. God was with me all along, loving me, waiting for me to invite Him into my life. “When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us!”

The work we have done to this point should make clear three pertinent ideas: