Serenity did not come my way very often in recovery. I rationalized that my Higher Power must be withholding it from me because there were special plans in the works for me.

Out of the blue it occurred to me that I was doing my best to give up lust and to resist the temptation to lust, but what about the rest of my defects of character? In particular, what about anger?

Suddenly it was quite clear to me that although I had surrendered in the war to defeat sexaholism, I was still waging war against anger. Anger toward my spouse, in-laws, co-workers, fellow recovering addicts, and anyone or anything that didn’t do or see things my way. In fact, I had to admit that I was one of those addicts who switched addictions. With abstinence from sexual acting out, there was no way for me to suppress or control my anger. I had become a full-blown rage-a-holic. I was abusive verbally and physically. It was not the fault of anyone else; it was my fault. Upon admitting this, I realized that I had absolutely no right whatsoever to treat God’s children the way I was treating them. I was justifying my anger the same way I had justified acting out sexually.

I needed a rage sobriety date. I needed to become willing to call upon other SA members who identified with this defect so that I wouldn’t suffer in isolation. I had to surrender all of my defects of character if I ever wanted serenity. What I had been doing was waving a white flag of surrender for lust in one hand, but waving the fist of rage with the other hand. Surrender had to be across the board, complete and full. Is it any wonder why there was little serenity in my life? God could and would help me to rebuild my life, but only after I ceased fighting.

I have since had to reset my rage sobriety date because I started thinking that I was justified in getting angry. During those times when I was humble enough to admit powerlessness and give up my right to rage, I felt the freedom of serenity.

God, grant me the courage and wisdom to let go of hateful, violent thoughts and my right to rage, that I may not destroy the dignity of anyone else or myself.