I’m the type of sexaholic who likes to do everything by myself. I started my own business, did my own accounting, and wrote my own contracts. When I play music, I only want to play my music. I don’t want or need any help because I can do it all by myself!

I might try to explain that I’m doing these things to save money, to “learn,” or any other perfectly logical (but completely deceptive) rationalization. But the reality is that I’m completely selfish and self-centered and this is, to my own demise, the only way of life that I know.

Through a series of events that started with a question—“Why can’t I stop looking at porn?”—and ended with a lost marriage, home, and ego, I muttered the four-letter word that saved me: “Help.” With more pain, that word turned into a whelping cry, “HELP!!!”

After admitting I needed help, my old way of life began to change. I came to realize that what I needed was help from a Power greater than myself—something that I had always feared might exist. I needed to trust that my sponsor, my group, and my God knew better than I did about running my life.

That led me to a happy and joyous freedom that I would otherwise have never known. Now I have friends galore, my marriage has come together with an unimaginable strength, and I can happily delegate my plan out to those who are willing to help . . . hmm. . . my plan?

Nothing could so easily put a wrench in my gut like a good, old-fashioned, heated SA business meeting. It became a ritual that I would reach out to my sponsor after each of those meetings. People said things that scared me. I thought that if I let these people have their way, they would ruin a perfectly good program of recovery. So I participated in heated arguments and left the meetings feeling restless, irritable, and discontent. I was certain I’d have to battle continuously to save the fellowship.

Lo and behold, the fellowship didn’t deteriorate! What did they do before I got there? I had a feeling in my gut that business meetings weren’t supposed to be like that.

What I learned, from the wisdom of Tradition Two (AA 563), is that business meetings don’t have to be like that for me. Our Second Tradition (the only Tradition whose long form is shorter than the short form) states: “For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience.”

In many places in our literature, this group conscience is expanded to “informed” group conscience.

This is quite a concept! My purpose is not to save the fellowship or control the outcome of the meetings. Both of those things are up to God.

Here is God’s role at a business meeting:
Express Himself, usually in the form of decisions made through the group conscience.

Here are my roles in a business meeting:
(1) Inform the other participants of what I think is relevant, and (2) allow God to work through me by giving my vote to Him.

That’s it! There’s no need for me to get into a heated argument with anyone! I simply state what I know in order to inform the group and then keep quiet unless I remember something else that is relevant.

Even when I am personally opposed to a measure, I will happily present information that may support it. Why? Because during the discussion my single goal is to inform.

When I dropped my plan and started doing this informing, something entirely new happened. I saw the wisdom of God as He expresses Himself. I began to look forward to business meetings so I could witness God’s decisions using our group vote. I became convinced that this is why our fellowship survives and continues. No person is in charge! Control goes to a loving God instead. My experience has been that His plan is much better than any I could come up with.

Like most things I learn from the program, this principle applies to more areas of my life than I expected. My newly restored home followed the same pattern as the business meetings in the area of decisions. I would enter into a discussion with the intention of persuading my wife to see things my way. This led to arguments which, in turn, convinced me to become even more conniving the next time.

What if I stopped trying to control the decisions of my household and instead gave them to God? I began to approach our decisions with the intent of informing and nothing else. The serenity this gave me was contagious, much like recovery: my wife began to take the same approach.

I now look forward to the decision-making process. I have a new appreciation for my wife and for God’s work in our home. Our decisions are better, and we are both much happier.

If this is all foreign to you, I implore you to try it. It fulfills yet another promise found in Alcoholics Anonymous (68): “For we are now on a different basis, the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.”