I am a convicted felon and a registered sex offender, and I’m very grateful to have passed through my second anniversary of SA sobriety this past December. I am thankful that there is such a fellowship and that I am able to attend two meetings a week, with a group of wonderful people who I can call my friends.

In December 2001, I was caught in a sting operation run by the local Postal Inspector. In February 2005, I was convicted and sentenced to three months in federal prison, three months home detention, and three years of supervised release for the possession of child pornography. That was the lowest point in my life.

I was forced to attend federally sponsored counseling once a week, beginning on May 5, 2005, and I was required to take a lie detector test every month, witnessed by my probation officer. But nothing helped me much until I came to SA in June 2005. I knew I was in the right place after that first meeting! I started attending SA meetings regularly, reading the literature, and working the Steps with my sponsor. I was beginning to learn a lot about myself.

In the beginning, I was happy to find that this was a spiritual program rather than a religious one. I could live with that. I came from a family that did not attend church but made me go to Sunday school and even sing in the choir. I knew there was a God, and I thought He had helped me out of a couple of life-threatening situations, but I couldn’t really trust Him.

For the first few years in SA, I struggled. I half-surrendered my defects and “white-knuckled” it. I did things my way. I would fall off the wagon every so many days, weeks, or months. Once I had 364 days of sobriety before acting out. I believe I acted out deliberately so that I would not get a one-year chip. I was still insane. The program was not working! I was a bit better, but there was still something very sick within me.

Then one of the fellows in our group reminded me of an italicized passage in the White Book: “I couldn’t just surrender my lust, I had to surrender me” (SA 80). I then came across another quote on page 96: “Without God, I can’t; Without me, God won’t.” I began to understand that something was missing.

I realized that I had not passed through Step Three, and that without turning my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him, I would not make any more progress down that Road of Happy Destiny. I had not been ready to give up and give in, so of course I was still sick! Up until December 17, 2009, I had not surrendered me, and without a Higher Power that I could trust, I was never going to stay sober or live a meaningful life with loving relationships.

As I was working Step Nine with my sponsor, I realized that I had unresolved issues with my mother. Since her death, I had written several letters attempting to make amends, but the resentment was still there. My sponsor told me that I could ask for God’s help in my relationships.

One morning during my prayer and meditation time, I wrote a final letter to her. I read it to God, and turned to Him for help. I felt warm and safe in the arms of my Higher Power (and my mother!). I felt my mother telling me that she forgave me, and that everything would be okay now. It was a wonderful, loving feeling—unlike anything I had felt before. I had actually passed through Step Three and had turned my will and my life over to the loving care of God as I understood Him! That was December 18, 2009. I have been sober ever since.

Nowadays, I start my day by reciting the Third Step Prayer (AA 63), the Serenity Prayer, and what I call “the way to true sobriety”: “Lust is the driving force behind our acting out. True sobriety requires progressive victory over lust. Positive sobriety is achieved by taking the actions of love to improve our relations with others” (SA 202).

I journal daily and talk to God through my journal. I also do Twelfth Step work by sponsoring others in the program. I find that I am helped as much by my sponsees as they are helped by me. I go to meetings twice a week and call my sponsor nearly every workday. I enjoy the fellowship of the program. And I surrender me to God frequently each day.

Today I am a better person and much more comfortable around people I don’t know. I make an effort to be more positive and less judgmental. I don’t get angry as often as before, and when I do, I surrender me and the anger goes away. I still have a pile of character defects that I am consciously working on, but they are losing their power over me. I will continue working to improve myself, with a lot of help from my Higher Power.

I expect my recovery will continue for the rest of my life. I will attend meetings, enjoy fellowship with my newfound friends, and work with my sponsor and sponsor others as best as I can.

Thank you God, for this wonderful program of recovery!!