About ten years ago (three years before I came to SA), I was looking for a card to give my wife on Mother’s Day—more out of obligation than anything else. I hated Mother’s Day. As I began to read the different cards, I was filled with a mixture of pain, sadness, and rage. I wanted to be able to honestly say, feel, and experience what was described in those cards. But I could not feel those feelings, and I was angry. I found a card expressing love and gratitude for being there through the struggles of life. That seemed okay, since we were struggling. I wasn’t sure about the love part, and I didn’t know whether I was grateful, but I bought the card. I had done my Mother’s Day duty.

Lost in my addiction, full of resentment, with no sobriety and no recovery, all I could feel was what I know now to be the pain and wreckage of my addiction. I was lusting for something that I was unable to experience. I wanted love. I wanted connection. I was a love cripple, although I did not know that at the time. I had a vague suspicion that I was an addict. I had no clue about recovery. I was beyond unhappy.

Then I found SA and began working the Steps. And this year—after seven years of active recovery, hundreds of meetings, countless phone calls, and the clarity of sobriety—the stage was set for Mother’s Day 2012. It was beautiful!

Weeks before the event, I found the perfect gift. I made plans to cook and serve dinner. Days before the event, I found the perfect card. As I read through all the different cards I saw the silly, the sarcastic, the mushy, the lustful, and the loving. I found a card that expressed what I genuinely felt: my gratitude for a loving, wonderful, beautiful wife and for her commitment to being an amazing mother. As I read the card, I felt genuine love for my wife. It is so nice to feel again and especially to be able to feel love again. I could not wait to give her that card.

Because of recovery, my wife, my children, and I have much to celebrate. We had a beautiful Mother’s Day. We attended church together. We ate together. We prayed and played together. A feeling of love and gratitude was present. I am especially grateful for my wife. She is a partner in my recovery. I am spiritually connected to her. My recovery has brought new life, hope, and healing into our marriage.

Words cannot express the gratitude in my heart for recovery. Once again I praise God. Without the grace of God and the blessings of recovery, Mother’s Day 2012 would have been just another day with plenty of “really good” reasons to go act out.

Recovery is a beautiful thing!