I came into SA in October 2014, on the advice of a friend in another Twelve Step program. I started working the Steps with a female sponsor (the only SA woman in my area), but the situation did not work out, so I asked one of the men in my home group to be my sponsor. But this did not work out so well either.

After just two weeks, I felt lust for this man, so I had to drop him as a sponsor. After that, I still received daily contact from him via phone or texts, and this brought me spiraling out of balance each time, so I knew that I had to be more honest with him (and mostly with myself). I knew I had to let him go—not just as a sponsor but also as a friend in the program. I had to ask him not to call me. I had to admit that I needed a woman sponsor.

What did it mean for me to give up this man, as a sponsor and also as a contact person in the fellowship? Giving him up made me face my Steps One through Three again. I had to admit my powerlessness over lust again. I had to turn my drug over to my Higher Power again.

I had enjoyed his calls because, my whole life, I always wanted to feel like “one of the guys.” I did not want to be treated differently because of my gender. I still sometimes wish I could just be one of the guys and call everyone in my meeting, but this is not possible. So I realized that I needed to re-focus my ties with women in the fellowship.

But a good thing came out of this experience. I remembered that when I first contacted SAICO for information, I received a list of women I could contact by phone or email, and I had begun emailing some of them. So recently I asked one of those women to be my sponsor, and I’ll be starting Step Four with her soon. Also, as I began strengthening my ties with my SA sisters, a new women’s meeting opened here in Israel, because of my reaching out.

A while ago, when I was working my Step Two, I asked myself what I could do for my Higher Power in return for all of the blessings He has given me in recovery. Immediately I knew the answer: the answer was service. Service is the way that I can give back for all of the blessings that I have received from my Higher Power through SA.

Today I’m helping to connect more women with one another in the fellowship here in Israel. I want to help women who join the fellowship today to have an easier journey finding other SA women to connect with than what I experienced at first. Being able to do this service has been a blessing for me. Maybe this is what my Higher Power wanted from me all along. In any case, I am grateful to God for my sobriety today.