A year ago, I felt apprehensive when I entered my first Zoom meeting because it was mixed. I had a question: How do I stay sober amongst men? What reassured me from the outset was the way the fellows included their sobriety dates when they introduced themselves. But I had no choice in the matter – I had to overcome my fears and keep coming back in order to learn how to stay sober and deepen my recovery, which I did; I continued to attend daily hybrid meetings on Zoom, plus a weekly women-only meeting.

My drug lives in my head. It’s always with me. I began to feel lust temptations within the meetings, especially as they take place in the virtual world, and that place is fertile for my imagination and fantasies; it forms my main pattern.

I started to practice surrendering to God by praying and by reaching out to women in the program. And I began to ask myself if it is possible to have healthy relationships with men in the fellowship? What boundaries should I set?

I found an Arabic recording that talked about this matter. Its title was: “Do you want to be nice or do you want to be sober?” It was by two SA brothers from Egypt. In this recording, they shared with us their experience, strength, and hope about relationships between women and men. One of them said that in order to have a healthy relationship with the opposite sex, he needed to heal his relationships with men first.

I decided I would go to any length to be sober and so I became more strict. I left all mixed Whatsapp groups for one month. I couldn’t bear men and women talking and laughing together; I couldn’t handle it because I was too close to lust and my mind was weak and vulnerable.

I started focusing on improving my relationship with women in SA. So, I started doing service as secretary of a women-only meeting when I was just 10 days sober. I committed to this service every week for two or three months. As I shared my thoughts and ideas amongst the women, I began to know them better and to let them know me. After a month of sobriety, I attended my first in-person meeting which was mostly men, but a few women. By now, I could see how the men were struggling in life just like me and that they had their problems. I didn’t see them as hurtful or abusive people.

At that time, I was working Step One with my sponsor. I completed my inventory and wrote my personal story in two months and gave it away in a mixed hybrid meeting with 100 fellows. After I finished sharing, male fellows shared similar stories and spoke of their gratitude to hear my story. This increased my sense of belonging, of being loved and accepted. It was a real connection.

I continued working the Steps and began serving alongside the men in the fellowship. I came to feel comfortable expressing my opinion at group consciences and was listened to equally.

At some in-person meetings, I was the only woman; but this heightened my sense of gratitude – the miracle of being sober in a room with 10 men or more, talking about God and the 12 Steps. If someone had told me this a year ago, I wouldn’t have believed it. To me it was unbelievable, a pure miracle of recovery.

My relationship with women continues to improve too as I work the Steps and work with my sponsor and continue doing service. Today, serving alongside the men in my local group, we spend a joyful time together, trying to carry the message to the sexaholic who still suffers. I thank God that I am a member of Sexaholics Anonymous with men and women who are committed to our sexual sobriety definition.