As this headline suggests, I have lived through the deaths of my large childhood extended family, where I lived and thrived. Then, in midlife, my beloved husband died tragically. My circle shrank to my parents and grandmother, but in 2020, my cherished father and grandmother both died in lockdown, with all the severe trauma that involved at the time. Even my former acting-out partner will be dead by now.

So, the first decision I ever made for myself after the loss of my father was to join Sexaholics Anonymous. He was the last of a lifetime of powerful men running my life. I joined in the desperate hope of finding the sexual sobriety I had been battling to achieve since the age of 13. So, I dared to hope for some serenity and peace. That was all I expected, and it would have been enough, I thought.

As will be evident, I arrived with diagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder from the tragic story above. My multiple close traumatic losses had naturally crushed me. Additionally, I had lived all my adult life with infertility, so I was still grieving the large family, like my childhood one, that I had planned to enjoy. My life was effectively over, apart from my mother of advanced years.

I actually found, as it says, “a life beyond my wildest dreams.” I found solace, consolation, fulfillment on a human level, sisters, some sober brothers in just about every continent on the planet, a loving sponsor, and sponsees I love dearly.

This lonely, bereft widow is suddenly relishing undreamed happiness among people of all cultures and faith traditions, whom I get to call my brothers and sisters—the family I always craved, day and night.

Moreover, a whole spiritual programme has connected me with God in a way never possible in addiction, from Whom, in the end, my real satisfaction derives. The Step Eleven prayer and meditation are my lifeblood. These and reading literature where God speaks are my foundation. Fellowship is the icing on top.

“In return for a bottle and a hangover, I have been given the Keys of the Kingdom” (AA 276).

Pull-Quotes:

So the first decision I ever made for myself on the loss of my father was to join Sexaholics Anonymous.

“In return for a bottle and a hangover, I have been given the Keys of the Kingdom.” (AA 276)