On December 28, 1990, I walked through the door of my first SA meeting. I had been brought to my knees by the disease of lust and sex addiction. I had used it to run from life and myself for 30 years. My time was up. I had tried to manage my life and could not. I was truly powerless. But that night turned out to be my homecoming. God was offering me one last chance, a path to the light. I accepted His offer. The war was over. I had lost.

This past year has, in many respects, been the most difficult and the wonder-filled of my life. You see, I am what the AA Big Book refers to as a “double amputee.” Without the support of SA and my Higher Power, there is no hope for me. I have no more recoveries in me.

My “program” has been simply a willingness to do whatever it takes. I cannot afford to lust or fantasize. Each lustful look or thought must be immediately dealt with by acknowledging my powerlessness, followed by a Third Step surrender to my Higher Power’s care, without a willingness to turn my life and will over to Him, there is no hope for me.

Tonight I am giving my First Step away through the fellowship to my Higher Power. I am one-year-old in recovery and it is time to take my very first step, to begin to walk my walk. I cannot remember ever being filled with more excitement, joy and gratitude than I am at this moment. Someday I would like to share my story with you in hopes that the addict who still suffers might see the light in the window and come in from the night.