Hi, I’m Marsha F., a gratefully recovering sexaholic by the grace of God and this Fellowship. I have come to discover there is very little difference between myself (a SA on the outside) and the SA’s I have met on the inside.

As a recovering sexaholic, I seem to grapple with fear. Yet, with prayer fear can be overcome. “Courage is fear that has said its prayers” was a slogan I have clung to over the past six years in recovery. I have been afraid many times during my journey in this program: my first SA meetings at the Tuesday Night Painesville meeting, walking into prisons, SA meetings on the inside, volunteering to serve as the SA Correction Committee Chairperson, calling total strangers in SA to ask them to be or find a contact for an SA on the inside. I thought I would die! But I didn’t—I prayed and God as always, did His part when I did mine.

It amazes me to think of all I would have missed had I allowed my fear (which probably would have come out as contempt so I would have had a really good excuse not to do something I was afraid to do even though I knew I was supposed to do it) to control my life. The SA and AA Big Books say, “There is a principle which is bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation.” [From Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 569-570.] Thank you God for turning my fear to courage.

The SA White Book says, “At times we experienced great joy; at other times, doubt, uncertainty, depression, and fear. At times it seemed we were running with winged feet, at others, standing still, and still others, that we were losing ground. But we found that once on this road, something deep within told us it was the right path for us. We simply knew it. And that was enough to keep us going. Whatever our experience, we found it to be the greatest adventure of our lives.” [From Sexaholics Anonymous, page 78.]

I would like to share some of the experiences of those SA’s on the “outside” who have dared to risk SA on the “inside”:

• My prison visits have been a blessing to me. I have recognized that I walk on equal ground with all who have joined me within these prison walls. All that separated us is the fence. God’s grace, love and forgiveness have no barriers. Prison visits have been a gift to me—thank you for your honesty, openness and open-mindedness.

• I went to a SA prison meeting this week. I needed a meeting. This is “going to any length” and it was wonderful. These guys are just like me and I heard what I needed to hear from my Higher Power: “Stay in the moment.” To share my experiences, strength and hope. To be helped. I need these guys to stay sober and recover. I am grateful today for SA in prison. Thank God!

Giving up my addiction I felt would be death itself or at the very least boring (a fatal death in my immature thinking!), life would be dull, there would be very little to do, and nothing to look forward to! Guess what, I was wrong! And now you actually have me admitting it in writing! Hard to believe I know, from someone who was never wrong and if I was I was not going to let you know I knew that I was!