Getting sobriety in SA was a complicated job for me. First I had to attend meetings where I was told to listen and identify in anticipation of a time when I’d become willing to surrender my lust habit to God. Initially, I resisted this open-mindedness, thinking that I needed to lust to be me. In a year’s worth of meetings, listening to sober and unsober members, I began to realize the benefits of the sober lifestyle for those who had it. I grew enthusiastic about getting serenity, choice, and freedom from lust. One thing that particularly appealed to my ego at that time was that only a sober SA could lead meetings.

In an attempt to put the cart before the horse, the perchance to trick myself into staying willing to be sober, I took the leadership of a meeting before committing spiritually to sobriety. I had a slip in time, and had to step down publicly from my post. This had the effect of making me admit to myself and others that sobriety would only be mine if it became my first priority, over and above fear, comfort or frustration (the three demons that lead to a slip in any of my programs).

Having a public slip illuminated the importance of the group in my recovery. I felt that my life had changed as a result of our prayerful work together on a regular basis. Ninety days after my slip I was reinstated as group chair, this time sober and without any reservations. Since then sobriety has held top priority in my life on a daily basis. Giving it up would be a matter I would have to debate publicly with the group at length before surrendering it.