My addiction had reared its ugly head in many ways over a long period of time. Before sobriety I could look back on over 40 years of living the addict’s secret. The only bottom line I would dare claim is what I did not do in acting out. Moments of honesty about my addiction make me ask why I did not do what was left undone. Fear of being seen created a pseudo bottom line.

Being aware that people thought poorly of certain actions kept me clean. Shame kept me from doing openly what lust was teasing my sexual drive to do. Serious sin was my bottom line. An unhealthy fear of God kept me from doing with another what I thought God would punish. As I look back over the years, I see I made few confessions that did not have impurity as their principal subject matter. Masturbation was out of control in my younger years and this graduated to touching by and of others.

Looking back with a few years’ sobriety, I find it no surprise that as the years went by, others became involved in my sexual behavior. Acting out with others forced me to seek treatment. I had to take ownership of how I acted out with myself and finally with others. The cumulative history of what my addiction had done in the lives of others, and to myself, made me aware of how serious my addiction was. Sobriety depends on this awareness. Treatment was necessary if I ever was to control my addiction. Treatment brought me to the bottom line of Sexaholics Anonymous.

Sobriety speaks for SA and says the program works. When sobriety touches a person’s life, there is born an intuitive awareness of a bottom line. What an addict would not do begins the definition of a bottom line. It unfolds in words of the sober experience echoed again and again in meetings.

No one person speaks for SA. The sober words of members after reading from the book and sharing experiences of sobriety teach a newcomer what a bottom line must be. The authority of the book is in the sobriety and recovery of the members. The meeting is about the walking of the talk of sobriety and not the talking of the walk.

Meetings put words on what my heart tells me I must do to be sober. I have to believe sobriety is possible. No one can work my program for me. Seeing the program work in others is the connecting link between what the book says and what I can do with the book.

Experiences of sobriety set the tone of meetings. “If you can do it, so can I,” is the subconscious hope born in each sharing. What is shared by many is much more sobering than the opinion of any individual member. Listening to others and reading and underlining important words focuses the experience of sobriety. Sharing what those words mean teaches sobriety by focusing on what we should do. Awareness of what would be the equivalent in AA of “taking a sip” shows what a bottom line must cover. We need a bottom line that does not permit the teasing of the addiction.

The bottom line fences the boundaries of sobriety. The addict without a bottom line does not have control over self. Memories of past partners in addiction, visiting places of former acting out or seeing or imagining former tools of addiction are all capable of bringing on lust attacks. The bottom line gives definition to boundaries about all behaviors that once entered into sexual play.

Our sobriety is born, nourished and protected in our definition of sobriety. When the bottom line of SA is challenged by the newcomer, it begets health in the fellowship because we remember the pain of white knuckling, and we are compelled to look at why we buy into our bottom line. Each new living out of our bottom line strengthens our sobriety. Our bottom line of sobriety has no exceptions.

Acting out in any form excluded by our bottom line kills sobriety and means a new start is needed. Sooner or later the addict realizes one cannot play with the fires of addiction without getting burnt. Acting out has a ripple effect which leads to acting out in more serious and dangerous ways. Sobriety brings clearer insights into what is necessary for our personal bottom line. Nothing in our behavior escapes our sober gaze. All the paths leading to the grand canyon of our addiction are cut off. Our bottom line grows in the honesty of sobriety.