Harvey A. raised a very important issue concerning our definition of sobriety (ESSAY, 2002, Issue Three). I believe that we all owe him a debt of gratitude for initiating this discussion and I am happy for the opportunity to participate.

Throughout my 14.5 years of sexual sobriety, I have appreciated the clear definition that SA has, that sobriety means no having orgasm with myself or with anyone except my own spouse. This simple definition has certainly helped me to avoid fuzzy thinking and unnecessary scruples about my sobriety date. To do otherwise might well lead each of us to define sobriety individually. This would greatly complicate any definition of sobriety.

In addition, I have done my best, of course, to avoid the obvious dangers that may lead to the breaking of my sobriety. My personal guideline is that any flicker of sexual arousal (except with my wife) is a clear trigger or danger sign that I may be headed for relapse (breaking of my sobriety). In these instances, I know that I need to change something that I am doing, saying, or thinking. To try to control and enjoy such emotional-physical arousal would be to nurture my insanity. At best, such behavior would prevent growth in recovery and the maturation of positive sobriety; and at worst, may lead me into relapse.

This guideline means that I may suddenly need to avert my attention from seemingly safe situations that may not have triggered me in the past. I am convinced surprisingly that absolutely anything may trigger me, depending upon my mood and my spiritual condition.

For me, sobriety is not enough! The price of growth in recovery and maturation in positive sobriety continues to be constant vigilance. I do my best to avoid entering my personal danger zone and to leave it immediately upon realizing my location in it.