I’ve just concluded writing out my Fourth Step moral inventory followed by a Fifth Step given to a priest. So many wrongs were uncovered that I had to write a supplementary inventory after doing the Fifth Step.

The effect of the Fifth Step was to deflate my ego and help me on the journey back to reality after a lifetime pervaded with illusions. I surprised myself at the wrongs uncovered, particularly in areas of dishonesty, especially since I’ve had a lifelong reputation for honesty.

I’ve started to come to terms with my resentment. I realize that if I resent another person, usually a woman, there is a double wrong — the resentment itself and the emotion towards the person. I am also learning to take positive actions of love towards others.

This spiritual growth has to be underpinned by strict adherence to SA sobriety. Yet, I still find myself lusting after women. I still feel that some “social, recreational lusting” wouldn’t do any harm. Intellectually, I know that I cannot afford this “luxury.” Under stress, I feel tempted to act out, thinking that this will act as an antidote. Experience tells me that it does not.

My objectives in SA are to remain sexually sober and to recover. I see recovery from lust addiction through the SA program as bringing about a recovery from my mental illness.