If you are in a painful and seemingly endless cycle of relapse, unable to scrape together a few weeks or just a few days of sobriety AND you are willing to do whatever it takes, then read on.

The approach you are about to read is not for the faint-of-heart. It is for those whose pain and desperation is so severe they would “climb a mountain of broken glass if it would relieve their sex addiction.” If you have not worked a normal SA program of recovery, then you do not need to try the regimen described here, as this is truly the last stop before in-patient treatment. It is, if you will, a three-month Olympic Training Program for sobriety.

Before diving into it, we need to recognize one activity that is positively, absolutely off-limits for the next 90 days—thinking. Intellect is useless in combating sex addiction; in fact, for most of us it is counter-productive. “Where has your best thinking brought you?” as the saying goes. Find the switch in your head labeled “fruitless thought cycles” and turn it off. When you slip back into idle thought, stop right away and do something. Do not worry, there will be plenty of “somethings” to do.

The first something is to get a sponsor. I regret having to remind folks of that, but lack of sponsorship is an epidemic in SA. What athlete expects to compete in the Olympics without a coach? Sometimes we hear claims like “There just isn’t anyone I feel I can work with.” If that describes you, flush your ego. Quit looking for that perfect someone to save you and ask anyone with sobriety to be your sponsor. If you respond that there is not anyone in your area with enough sobriety to sponsor you, please ask yourself if such a minor obstacle would have kept you from acting out. Then ask someone with just a little sobriety, call the SA Central Office (615-370-6062), or widen your meeting attendance. Having a sponsor is not optional. Find a way to make it happen.

Coincident with your sponsor search, begin your “90 in 90.” Put a start date on the calendar—today—and attend ninety meetings in ninety days. This is imperative, regardless of your success in staying sober. Get to a meeting every day for the next three months.

By the way, if you are balking at this Olympic training program already, then it is not meant for you (yet). Try an easier, softer way. Then when your life gets even worse, and you are sufficiently desperate, perhaps you will be ready to accept this rigorous training.

For those who are still reading, you are welcome to be creative with your “90 in 90.” Having done three of my own “90 in 90s,” I have found it useful to count certain alternatives equivalent to SA meetings, such as AA meetings, other “S” meetings, one hour of phone calls, or listening to SA or AA tapes. Plan ahead, and work things out with your sponsor so that you can accomplish this daunting task.

As you travel the local meeting circuit, find a way to do service for at least one SA meeting. This is critical to your recovery, so take the initiative. If nothing is available for a person without sobriety, phone lists need to be maintained, newcomers need to be welcomed, the room often needs to be set up, and it always needs to be put back together. Likewise, find out how your home group attends to service matters. Attend the business meetings of your home SA group, because your “personal recovery depends on SA unity” (Tradition One).

For the same reason, take the initiative to dine with other teammates (SA group members) three or more times over the next 90 days. Find a restaurant where you can eat before or after one of your meetings, and invite others to join you. You will be amazed at how powerfully this type of fellowship can strengthen your recovery muscles.

When you attend meetings, say very little and listen a lot. Be one of the first people to speak, talk no more than one minute until you exceed 30 days of sobriety, and refrain from dumping your acting-out guilt on your teammates. Just stick to describing how you are working your program. Get current outside of the meeting with program friends and your sponsor. Similarly, if your meeting has the custom of stating how your addiction manifests itself, limit yourself to mentioning one behavior. Keep in mind that these are not guidelines for everyone, they are your guidelines.

Now, far more important than what you do and do not say, in every meeting, pay careful attention to the words of the sober members and apply their lessons-learned to your own program. If your mind often wanders during sharing because you are a compulsive thinker, make every effort to focus when old-timers talk. They have what you do not have, so listen to them. Put into practice what you hear.

Assuming your area has one, include an AA Big Book Step Study as one of your weekly meetings so that you can work the Steps. There is no activity more central to a Twelve Step Program than working the Twelve Steps. Yet, folks do anything other than the Steps. Inevitably, they despair of the Program: “It just doesn’t work for me!” Oh really? You worked all Twelve Steps with your sponsor and you did not experience sobriety?

Without delay, get to work on the Steps, starting with Step One. It does not matter that you left off on Step Three before your relapse, or you are on Step Eight in AA, or you worked all the Steps in SA four years ago. You are not sober; therefore, you think you have power over lust and you can manage your own life. Step One is just right for you. If you do not know how to work Step One, ask your sponsor. You can also read the Step in the White Book, the Twelve and Twelve, and the Big Book. Anyway, the “how” really does not matter, the “what” does. It might also be helpful to note that completing a Step does not matter, working it does.

Get a journal. Like working a Step, the journal you will keep is a process, not an accomplishment. Make at least three entries per week. You can write about literally anything you want. You can also do this whenever you want. Many of us find it effective to journal in the morning.

The morning is a great time to accomplish several other daily tasks you will do for the next 90 days. First, eat breakfast every day. As part of the solution, regular nourishment sustains us throughout the Olympic training regimen and helps us fight withdrawal. Looking at the problem, hunger is a powerful sexual trigger. If we are irritable by mid-morning, chances are we will act out by evening.

Second, pray at a regular time each day. When you do pray, place significant limits on self-centered prayers. Do not pray for yourself beyond the general sentiment of “Higher Power, please keep me sober today.” Instead, spend the next ninety days praying for other people, leaving your wants unspoken. I realize this suggestion may terrify you. Trust me. You really will be okay.

Third, write a daily list of gratitudes and fears. Begin by doing it your own way, but as soon as possible, learn how to do it from Best of Essay: Practical Recovery Tools. Read the whole thing, starting with “Fear to Gratitude Lists.”

Fourth, if you use the internet to act out, eliminate access to the internet for the next three months. If you and your sponsor agree that is not feasible, then get a daily email partner. Send him or her a screenshot of yesterday’s web browsing history and a short summary of how your recovery is going, regardless of yesterday’s internet use. (You can also subscribe to internet services which will automatically email your web history to whomever you designate.)

Fifth, no matter how you act out sexually, get phone renewal partners for each morning of the week. This could be the same person or seven different people. There is a suggested format for renewals in Practical Recovery Tools. You can ask others how they do it. At a minimum, admit your powerlessness, turn over your will, get current, and reveal any plans you have to act out today. Renewal calls usually take between five and twenty minutes.

Sixth, make another program call in the evening. Talk about whatever you want to, as long as you make a connection with another teammate.

Finally, here are two less-traditional components you could add to your program—chores and smiles. Create a comprehensive to-do list to keep yourself busy the next three months. Your yard should look great, your dishes should sparkle, your car should shine, and your lenders should smile. You get the idea.

Once a week, deliberately make someone smile. Pick a person whom you want to make smile and then do something thoughtful. (This type of thinking is actually encouraged, but it has to be practiced.)

Before long, you will be sober: “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path” (AA Big Book, p. 58). You will complete your training program and finally get to participate. But of course, we are not talking about the Olympics, we are talking about Life.

May God protect you and keep you until then.