In a recent counseling session, I heard the well-worn phrase, “There are two types of people in this world….” Immediately I started guessing what my counselor was going to say. Men and women? Bright and stupid? Addicts and co-dependents?

We had been talking about my apprehensions in helping to start a new SA group in our city. I had been part of another Twelve Step sex addiction group for over a year. However, I had been exposed to SA through a couple of regional retreats, visits to an SA group in another state, reading the White Book and other materials, and participation in the Daytona convention. In addition, my wife had become an active member of S-Anon. I had gained a great appreciation for the contribution it made to our recovery as a couple. So when another member asked me if I would consider helping to start an SA group (he had been active in SA in the D.C. area), I told him I was “very interested.”

Then I started having all kinds of self-doubts and fears about trying to start a new group. What if we messed it up? What if nobody wanted to join us? What if a woman came? What if the media got interested in our group and did some sort of undercover story on us? And so on . . .

My counselor (wisely) didn’t try to answer all my ‘questions.’ Instead, he simply said, “There are two types of people in this world: PIONEERS and SETTLERS.” In the pause that followed, I ‘heard’ him asking the logical follow up question: which are you?

I quickly realized that I’ve always been a SETTLER. I like to come into an existing situation and help it become stronger and better. I’d like to think that I’ve had at least a little to do with our existing group doubling in size in the year since I became part of it. I’ve even become the meeting leader! But somebody ELSE sat in that room alone for weeks, several years ago, before anyone started coming to the meeting. Somebody ELSE went to all the trouble of setting up a voicemail, sending out information to counselors and churches, finding a meeting place, making sure the lights were on, placing notices in the paper, etc. I just came along later and got on the bandwagon and helped grease the wheels a little.

I’m a government worker, used to a regular salary, paid vacation and sick leave, plenty of holidays, and all of the equipment I need provided by somebody ELSE. I would never think seriously about starting my own business or working on a commission-only basis. I’m just not a ‘starter.’

No wonder I had all kinds of fears about starting a new group, even though I had no reservations about the need for it. I just wanted somebody ELSE to get it going and let me come in later and make it better. What grandiosity!

My counselor never had to verbalize that other question: which are you? I started asking it of myself, and decided that at 60 years old I wanted to quit being just another SETTLER (as important as they are) and try being a PIONEER for once. The thought energized and inspired me to the point that I called the other guy and asked him, “When do we start?”

Well, we started February 7 with five people, and had a great meeting. I was so excited afterward that I got up at 4:00 AM the next morning and emailed SAICO, other regional groups, and anybody else I could safely think of. As far as I’m concerned, the future prospects for the group are unlimited and I have discovered a new identity in my life: me, the PIONEER!