When I first read this Step in the White Book I thought it was the simplest of the Twelve. After all, it’s only a “decision.” I figured the Step would take me all of five minutes, mirroring the experience described in the personal story “Flooded With Feeling” in Alcoholics Anonymous. When I said my “Third Step Prayer,” however, nothing transformational seemed to happen. So I went to my sponsor. He suggested that, just like making other significant life decisions, perhaps deciding to turn my will and life over to God’s care is more of a process than a one-time event.

I thought about his suggestion and, despite my desire to be like others who have apparently brief (yet transformational) Third Step experiences, endeavored to work the Third until it sunk in. From that experience, from later experiences working the Steps again, and from various AA and SA literature sources, I’ve found that an effective approach to Step Three involves prayer, writing, and concrete action.

Prayer. Prayer seems to be the most popular activity for folks working the Third Step. It is certainly a good idea to pray the “Third Step Prayer” found in the AA Big Book and the White Book. Additionally, I have found a “Submission Prayer” to be helpful:

Higher Power, I give this day to you.
Establish the work of my hands,
the steps of my feet,
the words of my mouth,
the direction of my gaze,
the thoughts of my mind,
and the attitude of my heart.

After finishing these two prayers, I like to spend time praying in my own words. Sometimes I focus on a particular aspect of those prayers; sometimes I thank God that this program is actually working; sometimes I pray for the willingness to surrender, because I am full of doubt.

I have found it works best to say these prayers in the morning. I usually set aside 30 minutes. It also helps to say a quick prayer of surrender at noon, even if it is silently at work or at lunch. At night I try to pray for surrender but, to be honest, I normally surrender to the “sleep god” before I connect to the God of my understanding. I do my best and that has always proven sufficient, for my Higher Power does the rest.

Writing. At the beginning of working a Third Step it is helpful to sit down and write about my feelings toward, and thoughts about, working this Step. Am I looking forward to it or am I dreading it? What do I hope happens? What am I afraid might happen? And now to the heart of the matter: Do I really want to turn my will over to God? Do I trust God enough to turn over my life to His care?

In writing out responses to these questions, I discover areas of my life which I am willing to turn over to God’s care so long as He cares for them in the exact manner I want Him to. Sometimes I find areas of my life which I intend to withhold from God’s care altogether. These are usually areas too important to let go of, needing my control to ensure they don’t get screwed up. If I keep writing, of course, I soon discover what an amazingly inept job I’ve done managing these critical areas myself. If I’m rigorously honest, I can even admit that God can probably do a little bit better than me.

If, however, I get bogged down and am unable to move to a position of sincere willingness, it’s not the end of the world or of my recovery; rather, it’s just an indication that I have more work to do on the earlier Steps. When my God is not trustworthy or capable, I return to Step Two. When my ego will not relinquish certain aspects of my life to God’s care, I return to Step One. Eventually, I get to a point where I am genuinely willing to “let go and let God,” and not only do my prayers and writing communicate that, but my actions do as well.

Concrete action. We’ve all heard it said that “actions speak louder than words.” I’ve found this especially true when praying to my Higher Power. Namely, mere words avail little or nothing, whereas honest effort yields results well beyond anything I am naturally capable of. With this in mind, let us examine how to communicate to God through action that “I want You to run the show.”

When I was finally serious about turning my will over to my Higher Power’s care, I got a sponsor. A sponsor is a higher power in the sense that (s)he has a greater degree of sanity, sobriety, peace, and wisdom than me. My attempts to work the program without a sponsor contradict the principle of the Third Step, and stem directly from my prideful self-sufficiency. Getting a sponsor demonstrated to me, and presumably to my Higher Power, that I was gaining sincerity and willingness to work this program of recovery.

After finally finding a qualified and available sponsor (admittedly a challenge in our fellowship, but who hasn’t hurdled taller obstacles blocking the road to acting out?), the next concrete Third Step action I took was to heed my sponsor’s advice. The “self-searching and leveling of pride” I experienced in the First Step made advice-taking possible. There I found my first piece of evidence that something truly supernatural was happening, because deference did not come naturally to someone as impressed with himself as I was.

I crossed another milestone on the Third Step journey when I finally set up renewal partners for each morning of the week. The format varied with each partner, but the common denominator is that we committed to turning our wills and the care of our lives over to God for the day. Over time, I became close with most of my partners and developed a network of program friends with whom I could share anything. Along with my sponsor, this network created a prerequisite condition for consummation of my Third Step which can best be described as unfettered access to honesty.

I wholeheartedly agree with the notion that “we’re as sick as our secrets.” After all, how can I be willing to turn over my life to God’s care if I keep parts of it hidden? On the other hand, complete openness and full disclosure of not only my past, but my current, secret, plans as well, eliminates that final Third Step barrier: reservation.

In sharing all and leaving no stone unturned, I exorcised unwillingness and, in a truly concrete way, I let go. I abandoned myself to God and reached the point of genuine willingness. Then in an unexpected moment, I too felt the joy of surrender in much the same way as the AA writer describes in “Flooded With Feeling.”