We admitted that we were powerless over lust—that our lives had become unmanageable (SA 6).

This phrase defines my life prior to sobriety and in fact describes it since then as well: my life is unmanageable. Prior to sobriety, I had experienced many, many attempts at controlling my lust myself. These took the forms of confession of my sin, crying out to God to help me keep from acting out, strong resolve to “do better,” and a myriad of other “tricks” that I really thought would work.

From the time I was 12 years old until today, I have had lustful thoughts that I have followed into many different ways of acting out, ranging from self-gratification, to porn books, to topless bars, to internet porn, to massage. Each time I would feel terrible with guilt and shame and each time I would apply the band-aid of the day—only to resort back to the cycle of acting out to make me feel better followed by guilt and shame.

I would try to patch my guilt by other means: eating, smoking cigars, and playing the lottery. When my wife confronted me the third time, I knew that none of my schemes had worked and that I needed help to find some manageability in my life.

Today, through the SA Twelve-Step program, I am able to commit to sexual sobriety one day at a time. In essence, I now can see that my life is unmanageable and I am powerless over lust, but God is all-powerful and will prove His strength through my weakness. I am His and He is fighting the battle for me.

God, just for today, grant me Your power to stay sober.