Serenity is something I never thought of until I got into the SA program. In retrospect, I see that I was trying to control my world. Whether it was work, relationships, school, or family I was always trying to make things go my way. If I had a bad day at work, I could stew on it and replay the scenarios in my head. If something went wrong at school or if my mother didn’t see something my way, I could push it down and revisit it in my bed as I drifted off to sleep. I could argue in my head that these problems were entirely someone else’s fault and wake up the next day feeling just as angry as I was the night before.

Serenity was not an option—especially if I was RIGHT!!! This kind of thinking led me back to my drug. I would inevitably act out.

My program and Sexaholics Anonymous taught me about serenity—about feeling at peace even when things are falling apart around me. I find now that illness, bad report cards, calls from schools, banks, etc. do not affect me the way that they once did. As the Serenity Prayer tells us, we learn to “accept the things we cannot change” and “change the things we can,” and we are given a new way to look at everyday situations. Instead of yelling because my child brings home bad marks, I can make a plan with that child to raise the marks for the next term. We can set up a contract including rewards and consequences, and get on with the business of living. Instead of resenting a family member for his or her actions, I can choose to accept that I have no control over that family member and leave any possible changes up to my Higher Power. These changes are brought about by a change in attitude inside of me, and as a benefit I feel more at peace.

I have found also that serenity can come from bad situations. We are currently dealing with a rather serious illness in our family, and this sometimes leads the ill family member to call me up to vent about things that are bothering her. In the past, I would have waited for her to stop talking and say, “Well, what on earth do you want ME to do about it?”

Now, I can just listen, knowing full well (as I did back then) that there is nothing I can do to fix the situation. The difference today is that I actually listen. She knows that I have no power to change the situation, and by not deflecting it back on her, I am not only doing her a service, I am also benefiting by being able to help her in a way that I had never thought possible—by just being there for someone other than myself. I am given a sense of peace and serenity in knowing that efforts to help others do not have to be grandiose, they just have to be.