January 2008, Newark, NJ

I experienced something new at the International SA/S-Anon Convention in Newark, NJ, this past January. One of the morning sessions had to do with fetishes and obsessions. There had been some contention as to whether to include such a topic at an SA convention but the room was packed. The speaker—a woman with significant recovery—shared her story. As she spoke, the faces of members of the audience lit up with recognition. When the woman finished, others strode to the front to share their own stories. (For numerous reasons, this meeting was not recorded.) One attendee said that he thought it was a great idea that the convention planners had considered such a neglected topic.

For those of us who shared the power of surrender in that meeting, it felt as if a yoke, shouldered for so long, had finally been broken. As each summoned the courage and talked about the shame (after having to hide the truth from family and loved ones for so long), there seemed to be a collective letting go, as we cast aside the stigma that had burned for so long inside, and projected it out of our heads and into the room.

We don’t hear much talk about fetishes in meetings. Perhaps local fellowships could devote time to a special topic of this type, because, as in other areas of recovery, when we share our most shameful secrets, they lose their power over us. The new feelings of optimism and hope, as well as unburdened relief, could be felt in that room. A few hours after the meeting ended, the speaker told me that the convention planners were so impressed with this meeting they had scheduled another on the same topic for that evening.

I had previously attended four annual SA conventions, and I thought I had seen and heard surrender at the gut level many times. I’ve seen members become emotional while speaking in the spiritual light of more than 500 people. There is no disputing that when a previously undisclosed barrier to the light is removed, our gates of fear and denial open, and reality, as we had never known it rushes in. There have been times I have felt the protection of my Higher Power—like an angel’s wings—during these disclosures to my sponsor. There is no limit to our desire for secrecy, but as many of us discovered in that meeting, the secrets that once ruled us do not have to remain secrets. We discover the power and great freedom that comes when we bring our acts to the light.