An important person in my religious tradition who lived at the turn of the 20th century was known to pray a “Litany of Humility” each day. I learned of this prayer long before I entered the program. Like many formal prayers I’ve known and prayed through the years, this one has gained deeper meaning for me since I received a new primary purpose. When the “pray-er” changes, the prayers change, even though the words may not.

This litany has been a welcome addition to my Eleventh Step. It helps me to call more frequently upon my Higher Power “for the right thought or action” when I need it (AA 87). The method is formal and repetitious, but that’s helpful for an undisciplined person like me! To be honest, I had not prayed this litany for months until I revisited it recently. Reflecting upon my own diseased attitudes and actions, and knowing that most (if not all) sexaholics have similar attitudes and actions, I added a series of invocations that specifically pertain to my daily experience, and possibly pertain to the experience of others. (My additions shown in italics)

The invocations in this litany speak to me in light of a portion of “The Problem” in the White Book: “Our insides never matched what we saw on the outsides of others” (203). You see, everyone is higher than I am on the scale of being loved, extolled, honored, praised, etc. Everyone fears being humiliated, despised, rebuked, slandered, etc. less than I. And everyone is far more successful than I am at the spiritual disciplines that allow them to restrain the italicized actions and attitudes shown in my version of the litany.

Sometimes these assessments weigh in the opposite direction, and most of the time (thank God!) they fall somewhere along the broad pendulum—and on that pendulum, wow, do they swing! This is what a famous anonymous speaker in another program calls “being on the level of a ‘basic human being.’” This is still hard for me, nearly three years sober.

SA has an extraordinary leveling effect on me and on all who strive to practice it faithfully one day at a time. The Higher Power, Steps, Traditions, and fellowship—that is, the “spiritual program of action”—keep me sane as well as sober. When I am off-kilter, it helps to restore me to sanity because every aspect of it is a Power greater than me, a Power greater than what I am capable of bringing to the people and situations in my life. The transformative knowledge of being just another passenger aboard a ship saved from disaster is a tiding of comfort and joy to me today. Thank you, patient reader, for being a part of my journey. Following is my version of this prayer. May this “Litany of Humility” be helpful for all!

The Litany of Humility for Sexaholics

Adapted from the original for the SA fellowship

From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Higher Power.
From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being extolled,
From the desire of being honored,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred to others,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved.

From the fear of being humiliated,
Deliver me, Higher Power.
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
From the fear of being slandered,
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being wronged,
From the fear of being suspected.

From seeking to impress people with my actions,
Higher Power, grant me the grace to restrain myself.
From seeking to impress people with my words,
From seeking to impress people with my talents,
From seeking to know what people “in the know” know,
From participating in conversations that do not concern me,
From speaking the final word that lifts me up and puts others down,
From inflating myself upon learning of others’ misfortunes,
From acting on the desire to fix people and situations.

That others may be loved more than I,
Higher Power, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I,
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
That others may be praised and I unnoticed,
That others may be preferred to me in everything,
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should.